Attorney for Same-Sex Divorce

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  • My partner and I (domestic partner) have been having trouble in our marriage since the beginning. We have been off and on together for over 8 years. Lots of history and a rocky start. We got married a little over 3 years ago and have a 2 year old together. She also has 3 teens from a previous same sex marriage who live with us half time. We are considering splitting. Unfortunately, I have only been working part time and there’s no way for me to afford rent in the Bay Area. She wants 50/50 even though she works full time. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I kind of want to nest in this house but it still means finding a place to live. And I don’t think she will agree to it. She can afford all this. I can’t. I’m worried. I also really don’t want to be away from my young toddler (whom I birthed) and we have a secure bond that is very important that I keep in tact. We are planning to see a mediator because we cannot talk about hard things without arguing. Too much anger and resentment. I am worried I’ll lose what I’ve worked so hard on with my daughter by losing out on half of her life. But we are not happy together. I also don’t want to get screwed financially. Anyone know a great mediator or lawyer or counselor for this situation? Thank you. 

    Consider a full year of therapy before splitting, there’s a lot to loose and a lot at stake. If you use mediation do it with a consulting attorney from the start. They’ll let you know when the marriage settlement agreement(MSA) is or is not in your favor. If I could give you a referral it would be for Unmani Sarasvati. She’s a local woman who was helpful to me in the past and can act as your consulting attorney or attorney record.
    Hope some of this is helpful, I’ve left her info below.  

    Unmani Sarasvati, JD, LLM (tax)

    Mediation Offices 

    www.mediationoffices.net

    1-800-486-0220

    Hello, I recommend Camille King (https://www.camillekingfamilylaw.com/). She does only "collaborative" separations/co-parenting, etc. (meaning no court), so there is a focus on keeping things from getting nasty. I found her to be very level-headed, personable, and knowledgeable. 

    My divorce attorney was wonderful. Her name is Lisa Mendes https://mwlawca.com/. You can tell her Erika referred you. Good luck. 

    Hi, I’m sorry I don’t know of someone, but wanted to let you know that you can get some idea of the amount of child support she’ll have to pay you at the website pasted below. Courts have to follow a guideline amount, so if you know both your financials and the time spent with each parent you can roughly if not exactly calculate it.  There are also free legal services available to you - explore around on this same website. Best of luck. https://childsupport.ca.gov/guideline-calculator/

    Hi there. My ex and I worked with Fred Hertz in Oakland when we split several years ago. Our breakup was not contentious so I cannot speak to how he would work with both of you together, but I can say he is a great attorney and a kind, ethical, warm and approachable person to boot (which for me is huge because I don’t speak legalese and was feeling overwhelmed and intimidated about having to approach the legal realm of breaking up). He’s written four books about legal issues relevant to gay/lesbian couples (found on his website). He’s regrettably also expensive, but I suggest calling him even if you can’t afford his fee and asking if he can recommend someone in your price range. As an aside, it may be that what you need is an attorney batting FOR YOU alone, and yes a mediator or counselor to talk through things with your partner (sorry I don’t have those to recommend). If nothing else check out Fred’s website, reading his books might be a place to start. Your situation sounds really tough, and I am so sorry, I wish I could help more. I wish you all the best. 

    I read "Divorce over 50" before I decided to split.  Probably the "over 50" part doesn't apply to you, but I would get some basic book and read it.  It will be full of stuff that is good to know.  I agree with the poster who said consider therapy and have a consulting attorney from the start if you do mediation.  You can even pay for a consult with an attorney now, even if you don't know if you want to proceed. 

Archived Q&A and Reviews


Questions

Legal & financial advice for upcoming same-sex divorce

June 2011

I am looking for a referral for a client of mine. She needs to talk to someone about the financial / real estate /tax issues of her upcoming divorce. She is legally married (in California) to another woman. She has limited financial means but is smart and curious and wants to make sure she is treating both herself, her ex-partner and their child fairly. Pat


Hi -- Tara Flanagan is a great family law attorney who specializes in these matters. Her contact info is: Tara M. Flanagan FLANAGAN LAW OFFICES 1814 Franklin Street, Suite 502 Oakland, CA 94612 Ph: 510.452.9212 Fax: 510.880.0880
Cassie


Alma Soongi Beck is a lawyer in SF (Glen Park) who specializes in gay and lesbian tax law. She is peerless. She has one associate who is also excellent, whom she closely oversees, who has a lower fee: Joseph F. Carey


Lawyer I can consult with about splitting with partner?

Jan 2010

I am in a situation where my partner and I may be splitting up at some point. We are not there yet but, there are children involved and I would like to consult a lawyer or other expert just to know what my options are, not to take any legal action. Can any of you suggest anyone open for such a consultation who has some expertise dealing with LGBT cases? I would like to pay for a single consult though, I might use this person for representation in the future. anon


We used (and continue to use) Eva Herzer. She is a delightful, smart lady who used to practice as a lawyer, but now works as a mediator. We mediated our whole situation, including children, and go back for a ''tune up'' now and then when we can't solve something between the two of us. Eva Herzer, Mediator and Attorney at Law 901 Peralta Ave Albany, CA 94706. Phone: (510) 526-5146. She is acquainted with LGBT issues as well as adoptions. When I did a Google search, I noticed that she has received many kudos from other BPN families as well.


Andrea Goldman is an attorney who has experience with both straight and lesbian/gay couples. She works with Carol Amyx and has good people skills. She is sensitive, comfortable with all populations, able to keep confidentiality, and easy to talk to. Her phone number is 644 3360. Jeannie


I work in family law and generally send LGBT cases to Shane Ford or Algera Tucker. Both are superb attorneys with expertise in domestic partnership dissolutions. You can find their contact info on the web. Good luck to you. LeAnn


I worked with Sharon Braz at Blum Braz & Gibbs LLP Family Law in Oakland (by Lake Merritt): http://www.bbgfamilylaw.com. I found her to be compassionate, and very experienced. I highly recommend her. Rosie


Family lawyer experienced with dissolution of same-sex relationships

August 2003

I'm trying to find a family law attorney who has experience working with dissolution of same-sex relationships. There are children and property involved. Any recommendations would be appreciated! Anon


frederick hertz in oakland is the best out there. i know several people who have used him for the dissolution of complex same sex partnerships involving property and large sums of money. i used him myself when my partner and i split up - rather messily - and had to divide our condo in the city, all of our bank accounts, and devise visitation rights for our dogs. i don't know his experience with families with children. he was kind and compassionate with me, and absolutely no nonsense with the legalities. he explained things very clearly and gave me real options. i believe his phone number is: (510) 834-4114. he has a website: www.samesexlaw.com. best of luck, i understand how hard this time can be. anon


I would recommend Sally J. Elkington. She is a lesbian attorney who has handled many same sex ''divorces''. She is compassionate, knows the law and can handle any type of situation which comes up. You can reach her at 465-0404. anon