1st Grade: "My friend says I have to give him my lunch to be his friend."
My son is at one of the bigger BUSD elementary schools and takes a really long time to feel comfortable enough to someone to call them a friend. Well, he recently became close with one kid who no longer wants to play with my son anymore. The other kid is telling my son that he won't be his friend unless my son gives him some of his lunch. How can I tell my son that he shouldn't "buy" any friendships? I'm sure the other kid probably just wants space and to play with other kids (he's not a mean kid), but my son is so slow to make friends that he is heartbroken over this and isn't sure what to do.
Oct 7, 2017
Parent Replies
I'm so sorry. Understanding social cues and negotiating friendships is part of education, please ask the school for support in addition to other resources. One of the best on-line resources I have found is Kidpower, and you can arrange training sessions for your school, parents and students with their experts.
The social cues just get more difficult to navigate as kids get older. If this is an area where your son has misunderstandings, please look into that as well.
Best wishes. My kids had similar experiences and they were heartbreaking,
Quite aside from the moral lessons you contemplate, the fact is BUSD is strict & serious in forbidding students to share any food at lunch, snacktime, or any other occasion at school. This is as absolute as the school staffs can make it. Berkeley regards food allergies (and individual dietary choices) with deadly seriousness. If your kid is caught giving so much as a Taki to another child, they will both be in trouble. It is a matter not of manners but of safety, and rightly so.
Maybe that kid is really hungry. Why not try putting extra food in your kid's lunch so he can share? Generosity is a good lesson to learn.