BPN Jokes & Quotes: Words of Wisdom | Berkeley Parents Network

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
                - Erma Bombeck

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.  One of my friends told
me she was in labor for 36 hours.  I don't even want to do anything that
feels GOOD for 36 hours.
                - Rita Rudner

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out
what they want and then advise them to do it.  --Harry S. Truman

Love your children with all your hearts, love them enough to discipline 
them before it is too late ... Praise them for important things, even if
you have to stretch them a bit.  Praise them a lot.  They live on it
like bread and butter and they need it more than bread and butter.
--Lavina Christensen Fugal

If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson ...
hold yourself up as an example and not as a warning.  --George Bernard
Shaw

The commonest fallacy among women (and men -- in my humble opinion) is
that simply having children makes them a mother (a father) -- which is
as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician.
--Sydney J. Harris

Perhaps host and guest is really the happiest relation for father and
son.  --Evelyn Waugh

Could I climb to the highest place in Athens, I would lift my voice and
proclaim, "Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to
gather wealth and take so little care of your children to whom one day
you must relinquish it all."  --Socrates

There are three degrees of filial piety.  The highest is being a credit
to our parents, the second is not disgracing them; the lowest is being
able simply to support them.  --Confucius

The family is one of nature's masterpieces.  --George Santayana
We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become
parents.  --Henry Ward Beecher

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a
habit.  --Peter Ustinov

The giving of gifts in such a way that no credit will devolve upon
ourselves is sufficiently at odds with our routine behavior as to be
accounted a mystery, and we may as well give that mystery a name.
Santa Claus it is.
        -- Cecil Adams, syndicated columnist of the "The Straight Dope",
           answering the question "Is there a Santa Claus?" 26-Dec-97
           (http://www.straightdope.com/)