A Mother's Dictionary
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amnesia:
A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to
have sex again.
bottle feeding:
An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2AM, too.
defense:
What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de
children play outside.
drooling:
How teething babies wash their chins.
dumbwaiter:
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
family planning:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep
you on the edge of financial disaster.
feedback:
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.
full name:
What you call your child when you're mad at him.
grandparents:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though
they're sure you're not raising them right.
hearsay:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
impregnable:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
independent:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we
say.
look out!:
What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream
it.
prenatal:
When your life was still somewhat your own.
prepared childbirth:
A contradiction in terms.
puddle:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
shoes into it.
show off:
A child who is more talented than yours.
sterilize:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to
your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
storeroom:
The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
temper tantrums:
What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
top bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
two-minute warning:
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those
familiar grunting noises.
verbal: Able to whine in words
weaker sex:
The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
whodunit:
None of the kids that live in your house.
whoops:
An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
