How to Choose the Right College
Parent Q&A
Archived Q&A and Reviews
Questions
- How much influence should parents have over decision?
- Insight into college choices
- Books about choosing a college
- How to find out more about colleges he's considering
How much influence should parents have over decision?
March 2012
I'm wondering what role other parents have played in assisting your college-bound student in his/her final selection of colleges. We are awaiting word from the top two choices. Our daughter has applied to eleven schools and gotten in to six to date, one wait-list and three no's. She isn't in love with any of the six, although of the six, I think some are better than others for her. There is no real stand-out, and everything feels like a bit of a compromise. We did the whole college tour thing, and she is drawn to one school because she loved the professor she met in the area of her particular interest. But it's not as strong a school as some of the others. One of the ones I really liked she didn't like at all, was in a rotten mood on the day we visited, and said she'd never go there so I should stop bothering her. It is her choice, mostly, but I am footing the big bill here and think I should have some say. But how much and what? I'm also not even sure which would be the best fit and don't know how to evaluate. Everyone's anectodes are so personal and there is so much contradiction among my friends (all the way from ''this school has really weak academics and the town there has no culture and my daughter couldn't leave fast enough'' to ''I have friends whose kids went there and loved every minute of it and are going back for grad school.'') I'm also dealing with my own feelings about her not getting into one of the more selective schools that we thought she had a great shot at. It feels like a complicated decision and I'm not sure how to support her and help her look at all aspects and long-term implications of her choice. All the schools are back East and we haven't been able to visit them all. Confused, wanting to help make the right choice
Here's my 2 cents. She's the one who will be going to class. She's the one who will be doing the work. Let her go to the school where the professors excited her. We had much the same issue a few years ago. Daughter (now a junior) chose the road less traveled (the less prestigious school). It was the right choice. Dad could not be happier (daughter too)
first, congratulations on having a daughter who has a particular interest and has met a professor whom she likes. i understand why that would sway her. realize she could get into a more impressive college and not like the professors and decide to leave. the most important thing is that she feels great about her choice and has a valid reason for going. liking a professor in a particular area is a valid reason.
if she isn't getting into any of her first choices, that will be sad enough for her, i think you should reassure her and hide your own disappointment. your job is to help her feel good about where she has gotten into and acknowledge how many places accepted her. a smart kid can stand out, get a lot of positive attention and really blossom at a less competitive college. if she had her heart set on somewhere else, she can always transfer after putting in a great year at another college.
big picture: sounds like you have a good kid who tries hard. you should celebrate that. judith
Whoa, slow down. I think you are forgetting that the choice is your daugher's, she is the one who has to go there, and your own feelings of guilt or sorrow about where she got in shouldn't really play a role in the decision.
If your daughter can rule out a few of the 6 schools, that would be helpful in narrowing in. If she really disliked a school, it is not wise to push it just because you liked it! You are not the one who will be attending, and being forced to go to a school that your daughter has emphatically ruled out could make her hate it (and hate you) if she was forced to attend.
Knowing that she could go to a school where there is a wonderful professor in her area of interest could be a strong plus for that school. But this is one factor among many and you can point that out to her as she makes out a list of pros and cons.
She should create a chart with the pros and cons of each school. You can have a row or two in the chart to put in info about the academic strength of the school or some other value important to you. But then she gets to evaluate the pros and cons and should start to rank-order the schools based on her opinions and how much she weights different pros and cons. When she is able to rank the top two schools, she should go visit them again if possible. Then she can make the final decision. I wouldn't consider a school that she has never visited.
You could tell her that you would love to hear her explain to you the pros and cons of each school and how she arrived at her top two rankings. That will help you see her thinking and perhaps allow you to ask a few questions.
The reason there are contradictions in personal anecdotes is because every person is different and some children love one school while others hate it. Also, what the child wants out of college may vary tremendously between children. So in the end, she has to decide.
Nothing is perfect, there isn't always one ''best fit,'' but rather several that would work well for different reasons. So if you can help her understand that, it will be beneficial. Good luck to her (and you)! Anonymous
I think you have to let your daughter make her own choice. Probably all the options will give her a good education, allow her to meet lots of people, give her that first opportunity for independence, prepare her for life, etc. I think her buy-in matters more than which particular school she chooses. And none of your friends opinions really matter--they don't predict her personal experience.
I remember my daughter's first day at UC Santa Cruz. Everyone was so warm and friendly...but then her roommate was a dud and she could never break into the friendships happening on her dorm floor. The next day we took her boyfriend to UC Davis. No one was very friendly. But he ended up making dozens of friends among his dorm mates. Ultimately, both have had perfectly good educations and enjoyed their respective schools. And now they're graduating and life goes on.
You really have no control over how things will go for her. She might fall in with great friends her first year, or none. She might have awesome professors or end up with a bunch of snorers. A university is a huge place and ultimately it will be the experience she makes of it. Give her the tools to make it a good experience and overall, it probably will be. wherever you go, there you are
Yes, it is your money, but it is her life. And yes, everyone's experiences are intensely personal, so it is impossible to predict how your child will feel at any given school. But these decisions are neither permanent nor completely life-altering. She can always transfer if it doesn't work out, and some kids can find things they like regardless of where they land whereas others will complain everywhere. Take a deep breath and just keep asking the right questions. What things are most important to her? Which schools will offer those things? What is the best and worst thing about each one? Ultimately, IMHO, it has to be up to them, unless you have the kind of kid who won't be resentful if you try to run their life or won't blame you if you pick a school that they go to and don't like.
I teach high school seniors and I know plenty of students who got into their dream schools, went there, hated it, and transferred. I know just as many that went to a second or third choice school and loved it. I think the worst thing parents can do is to make young people feel like this is the most important decision they will ever make in their entire lives. It is not. And unless your kid wants to be President and needs to write for the Harvard Law Review, they will probably be just fine regardless of where they go to college their freshman year. Even Obama transferred schools as an undergrad. --Feelin your pain, tryin to remain calm
Insight into college choices
March 2012
Our daughter has (thankfully) begun to receive her college acceptances, and I am hoping to help her make the very best possible choice. She has worked with a great college admissions advisor at her local private school, and this counselor has recommended that our daughter apply to some schools that are relatively unknown to us. Thus, I would so welcome any feedback on any aspect of the academic and/or social life at any of the following schools: Mt. Holyoke in Northampton, MA; Muhlenberg in Allentown, PA; Emerson in Boston; Evergreen in Tacoma, WA; Wheaton in Mass; and Drew University in Madison, NJ. How would you describe the values of the student body? What are the towns like nearby? Dorm life? Our daughter is interested in Theater Arts, Classics, Latin, History, English and Literature. Math, not so much. She's introverted, literate, smart, and absolutely not a party animal. She's applied to other schools I haven't listed because I have a better take on them (Brandeis, Oberlin, etc). I know I'm asking about a lot of schools but we're having a hard time getting to know these colleges despite reading things like College Confidential and making campus visits. Really appreciate any commentary. And if you know of a current student that would be open to chatting with a prospective student, that would really be an added bonus. We can be reached at jump at the sun at earthlink.net. Thanks so much!
I can tell you about Mt Holyoke and Evergreen-would not go to Evergreen, unininspiring, lots of pot, lots of unmotivated kids who don't have any plan. Mt Holyoke is preppy, very east coast. They are in fact kind of polar opposites! Smith is great though, if your daughter applied there. parent
Hi, based on your description of your daughter's interests and her party personality, I would highly recommend she look at Mt. Holyoke. I worked with a young woman at Harvard who went to Holyoke and stayed there several times with friends who were teachers. It is in a lovely smallish New England town. Classes are on the smaller side and ore traditional. All schools have such good websites... she can get a good virtual idea.
To me, it seems like a waste of time to consider the details of every school seriously just because your daughter was accepted there. Pick the criteria that are most important for her--which could include being at a school with a strong academic reputation, having a strong program in the area she's most interested in, what part of the country she'd most like to be in, size of the school, reputation of the school, etc.---and then start making a list with the pros and cons of the top 5 or 6 schools. I'd say that she should spend her time thinking about the best contenders and compare them on the criteria she cares the most about. When she narrows it down to 2 or 3 schools, she should then see if it's possible to e-mail students at that school that someone knows so she can find out more about it. Visit the top 2 to make the final choice. Anonymous
Books about choosing a college
Aug 2009
I wandered into a large bookstore today thinking that I would buy a book about choosing a college. My son is only a junior but I like to read non-fiction and thought it would be sort of fun..... That was until I saw the shelves and shelves of books, each purporting to be THE book I need to narrow down the college search. I know about the college board website, but I'd like a paper and ink book I can curl up with. Can anyone recommend a good one or warn me against useless ones? Thanks, kate
We had about 5-6 books on this subject! I think the two most helpful were the Insider's Guide and the Fiske Guide. We also had Colleges that Change Lives, which was good, more focused on a few schools, not comprehensive like the others. What was most helpful in the end was visiting. We did that at Spring break Jr. year and over the summer. Lots of Luck! parent of a college student!
It's worth checking out several books, as each provides a different perspective. Here are some books we found helpful: Colleges that change lives (Loren Pope)--and other books by the same author Students Guide to Colleges (with real students' opinions) (Goldman and Buyers) Fiske Guide to Colleges 371 (or some #) Best Colleges (Princeton Review) college bound
There are big books that help with your search and have statistics on all the possible schools - for that matter College Board has a search program to help you narrow it down... but,for a nice curl up and read book I recommend ''Colleges That Change Lives'' written by a guy named Loren Pope, who spent his career as a college counselor. All 40 schools in the book do something different, and do it well. There is a website for the book and the schools -- Google CTCL.
When we read the book my daughter was planning to attend a Div I NCAA University. Two years later she was injured and out of sports, and transferred to a school she'd encountered in the book (Cornell College, Mt. Vernon, IA). She likes it there so much her brother decided to go there as a freshman this year. Yay! Heather
I was in your shoes a year ago (I just got back from taking my son to college in NYC...YIKES).
There are SO many ''pick me first'' kind of books. I bought a book that was about ''How to choose the right college''. It was a world of info about what questions to ask yourself (the student) about what you want in a college, where you want to be, what do you want to study, how much can you/parents afford, financial aid, etc. GREAT BOOK.
Along with that I got a book called something like ''The best colleges and universities in the US''...I know, there are many that say that. I bet they are much the same. Our book listed TONZ of colleges, large adn small, all over the US, and then it also had sections of ''best colleges for majors''. My son is majoring in theatre, so we looked for theatre colleges, big and small, did they have grad school, how competitive, etc. Hope this helps. I highly recommend the first book I mentioned. Good luck. You think THIS is hard...wait till he leaves!! mom of college guy
I previously posted about a book called ''Getting into the right college''...I just found that book in my house. It's the ''Fiske guide to getting into the right college'' It was really helpful for us. We also have the Fiske Guide to colleges. I think Fiske is a long time known publisher of these types of books. Ours is the 2008 edition, but I bet they don't change much. Good luck. If you want to look at these, let me know. june
''College UNranked:Ending the College Admissions Frenzy'' edited by Lloyd Thacker is a worthy collection of short essays and lectures by many college presidents and admissions officers who are concerned about the students welfare in this ''out-of-control'' college admissions ''contest''. I found many of the pieces contained very practical and insightful lists of questions to ask when evaluating a school; lists of questions that the student can ask of him/herself in evaluating what he/she wants; pieces aimed at the student to give them knowledge and, thus, power in what can seem to be an uncontrollable situation in which they have no power, etc. It helped me to put many parts of this stressful process into perspective so that I could keep my anxiety to a minimum which allowed me to be there for my son when he needed me. You can pick and choose which of the pieces seems interesting or appropriate for your situation. I highly recommend this book. Mom of a New College Freshman
How to find out more about colleges he's considering
Oct 2008
Looking ahead a few months, I am wondering how to locate local students (such as Berkeley high grads), who have gone to a certain college to find out more about their impressions and experiences. My senior is considering a number of colleges that we have no personal connection with (such as Macalester and Scripps) and we would like to talk to current (or recent) students, if possible. Soon to be empty nester
This type of research is best done from the OTHER end - that is, contact the COLLEGE that you're interested and ask them for students who come from certain high schools (or the East Bay in general), and the admissions office will generally be more than happy to have the college students contact you. My daughter, for example, goes to Macalester, has loved every minute of it, and would be happy to talk to your student. You can contact me through the moderator, or contact Mac and ask for referrals to students from the East Bay. Colleges are VERY proactive these days about having their students call/email high school students. mom of 2 seniors (college, h.s.)
I'd go on Facebook and look up the colleges you're interested in - they'll probably have a group, or just people who list that they go to or are alums of that school. You might find people who list BHS also. gotta love the internet
If your child wants information about a college, the best way to check may be through the online social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace. Check out listings for Class of 2012 at the different social networking sites. That would get you in touch with the freshman class that was last year's high school seniors. For example, if you went to Facebook's Chapman University Class of 2012, you would find my son, who loves his school (he's a Theater Performance major). You can also check www.princetonreview.com (you need to register, but it's free), collegeconfidential.com (registration required, but free). Most kids are very happy to discuss what they do or don't like about a school. Chapman Mom
One of the best ways to find the right college is to examine the trade-offs between: going pre-professional on one hand and liberal arts on the other and between getting one degree or going on to grad school. Here is a good rule to use:
One Degree and Pre-Professional
If student is only going to get one degree--then possibly a pre-professional major might matter. Choosing a school which has a good business or engineering program and one that is respected in the student's area of focus may be important. A good measure of quality would to see how many employers interview on campus--these numbers are published by the college.
Graduate Degree Oriented
On the other hand, many students these days wish to attend graduate school. What most people don't know is that liberal arts colleges are the fastest route to JD, MD, MBA and Ph.D programs. The only catch is that most liberal arts colleges are private. The good news is that many offer merit and need based financial aid. So if you feel that you cannot afford $40-50K a year but your student is in the top 10% of their class and has significant academic or athletic talent you may wish to consider these colleges. The main reason I recommend these is that graduate schools prefer liberal arts colleges because of the great job they do in preparing students to write well, think critically and express their ideas in oral argument. If you are able to call your professor by their first name or do research as an undergraduate with your professors it makes a huge difference on your student's resume. For more information about top undergraduate feeder schools here is a link: http://www.collegematchus.com/related_resources.html David
Oct 2007
Parents and students can begin their search online for excellent, often affordable (with merit and need-based aid), but largely unknown colleges.
The first website to explore is http://www.ctcl.com - Colleges That Change Lives, from Loren Pope's book of the same name.
The second is http://www.collegesofdistinction.com - a project of diverse administrators, alumni, and students.
Finally, those exploring in-state schools can look beyond UC's and CSU's at http://www.aiccu.edu - The Association of Independent California Colleges and Universities.
Remember, no web search can substitute for a campus visit, but it can at least broaden your awareness and start you in the right direction. Eion Lys College Counselor
Hi Parents,
I posted the question above regarding UCSD vs. WashU for a pre-med student. I haven't had any responses so I'm thinking the question was too general. Any thoughts o a UC vs. a private college for a pre-med student?
Best,
Naughten
If both schools are feasible from a cost perspective then I think the main factor is how set your daughter is on going pre-med. If your daughter is (for now) determined to go biology/pre-med than going to WashU might help her immensely. WashU has a well known pre-med program as well as a lot of connections in the medical field. Also, WashU is a large university so even if she does change her mind then there are plenty of options for her over there. But if she thinks she will likely change her mind in the future then a UC school might be better.
Another option that might work is your daughter spending 2 years at a UC and then transferring to WashU if she does decide to stay pre-med. I did something similar but for engineering (went from St. Mary's in Moraga to WashU).
I would recommend asking this question (and researching prior responses) on College Confidential. There are a lot of knowledgeable people willing to share information on there. Good luck!
If you daughter has her heart set on Washington U and you feel she can use the extra support she would receive at a private school, that seems like the best choice...and worth the money. Otherwise if she is a mature and assertive student who can do well in her Molecular Biology major without the extra support she could receive at a private school, I would go with UCSD. UCSD is a great school and a much more economical option....especially a good idea if you are planning on helping her financially during med school!
Hi - Congrats to your D for getting into two great school. I don't have experience with either school for pre-med, but I've spent over 15 years advising HS and college students. Both are great schools. I would not pick Wash U just because they have a "better" track record for graduates going onto med school. Plenty of students graduate from UCSD and go onto top tier med schools. A friend's son is there now as pre-med and loves it and thinks he's getting everything he needs to get into med school. I recommend that your D talk to the head of the MCB department and several students who are MCB majors and/or pre-med at each school. I think it'll come down to which school community feels like a better fit (unfortunately harder to discern during the pandemic). Will she thrive better in a smaller environment or a bigger one? Will she easily get all the pre-recs courses that she needs? Is what she will get at Wash U worth the extra expense? Is it better to go to a less expensive school and save the money towards med school? Have you gone back to Wash U and ask for more scholarship/aid/other to make it worthwhile? Tell them that you're deciding between a state university that will cost a lot less and see what they can do for your D. Colleges are pretty desperate to get seniors to enroll this coming fall. Btw, your D should make these calls, not you. You can prep her and listen in. Good luck!
I'm a professor of molecular biology at Cal and have colleagues/friends at both UCSD and WUSTL. In my opinion, their molecular biology programs are equivalent in quality - and that quality is quite high. The smaller size of WUSTL might be an advantage in terms of getting more attention from faculty, but the social environment is more homogeneous and - personally - I find the climate there rather unpleasant. (Hot and humid in the summers, mosquitoes, etc.) and it is not such an interesting place in terms of culture/food/environment. UCSD isn't so interesting culturally either, but at least it has a pleasant environment. It is also likely to have a more diverse student body reflecting more of the breadth of our society, although I haven't looked into the numbers. This means that your daughter will likely have a richer social experience, which I think is one of the most important learning opportunities of going to college. On balance, I would lean toward UCSD, with the one caveat that it is a larger school and your daughter may need to advocate for herself a bit more than she would at WUSTL. Good luck on the decision!
Students from both schools are successful in applying to med school. UCSD and Wash U are very different schools with UCSD having an undergraduate student body of about four times as many students. Does your daughter want to be in a small school or a larger one? The weather in San Diego and St. Louis could not be more different, does this matter? Classes are generally smaller at Wash U with less stress in obtaining specific classes. It may be easier to meet professors, obtain support, and arrange internships and research experiences at Wash U. What else does your daughter like? Will she want to come home often? Your daughter can be successful in pre-med as well as most other fields, at both schools. Where does your daughter want to go to school?
Hi, there Naughten. I checked with our 19 year old college sophomore on this one, and she recommends your daughter go to UCSD - which, btw, is also what I recommend. UCSD is a great school with a great reputation. Your daughter may very well change her mind on her major. Financially, why put a burden on yourselves you don't need to, especially in the current climate? Also, it's important to note: schools may very well be doing all on-line learning for the fall semester/s. How would you feel about paying private school tuition in that circumstance? Wishing you the best.
Speaking as a health care practitioner and as a person who teaches people to become health care practitioners--I would say that there are really two considerations: 1) is there a huge difference in money/debt? 2) Does one of them have an accelerated program that your daughter would be interested in ie: bachelors and MD in 7 years? Both schools have great reputations. I don't think that one would prepare her more for a career in the health sciences than the other. But, her work prospects change dramatically depending on her debt situation once done with schooling. For example: if she has a crazy amount of debt, she may not be able to hold out for the perfect job she would love because she needs to earn a significant amount of money now to deal with that debt. OR she can't go into the specialty area that really interests her because that field of medicine doesn't earn as much money as another field and she has lots of debt. So bottom line: two great choices, go with the cheapest for lots of reasons--which is probably UCSD, I'd imagine.
Washington University is a really great school but St. Louis is not a great city. My dad moved from SF to go there and had a very hard transition. It's just not a cool town like Chicago and the weather really sucks. The racism is really bad also. I had no idea what racism really meant until spending time there. There are two different societies and they do not mix. I'd go visit and spend time touring St. Louis on your own to get a real feel for the town. I've spent a lot of time there and have no desire to go back. I love Chicago but St. Louis is a very different city for some reason.
How set is your daughter on pre-med? There are a number of factors to consider. One if financial. UCSD is of course cheaper and if your daughter is considering med school there's some money that might be saved and could be applied toward med school as it is a very expensive proposition. Do keep in mind though that the US's are impacted and that could result in your daughter graduating in 5 years vs. 4. Wash U is an a great school where your daughter will probably get closer interaction with her professors and thus perhpas ssbetter access to research opps and of course knowing her professors better should result in stronger recommendations: critical for med school. At UCSD there is a great deal of research and there are of course opportunities but you're daughter will really need to be a strong self advocate and there may not be as much available for the undergrad who is not at the very top of the class or does not strongly compete to get those opportunities. UC's are great but very competitive and students really need to self advocate. stay on top of it to graduate on time and be ready to compete for opportunities. Wash U will cost more but perhaps foster stronger relationships with professors and perhaps open more doors to research or internship opportunities. The environment is quite different also in terms of student outlook and participation. It really depends on your daughter and what you can afford.
I have no personal experience [although a friend's daughter went to WashU for med school and loved it], but this is a question that often comes up on the College Confidential website, and I recommend you add that to your list of Favorites or Bookmarks [or whatever browser you use] as you go through the college search/application process. I like going through this portal best: https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussions
The almost-universal advice there is to save your money for med school and go to a school where you can get good grades. Prestige/ranking of the undergraduate institution seems to matter very little as compared to GPA and MCAT score. Sounds to me as though UCSD fits the bill. Good luck. ATS
I went to medical school. She should choose the school that is the best fit for her personally lands her in the least amount of debt. Also, whatever the admission statistics are saying may not apply to your daughter. There is no way to predict 100% how she will do in college--it can be a very tricky time for a young person. If she doesn't get in, or changes her mind and wants to study art, you'd be better off not owing a ton of money...although, you can be an art major and still go to medical school! My husband screens medical students and says he finds the ones in nontraditional premed tracks often become the best doctors. Even if your daughter wants to do research, the same advice would apply. UCSD would be cheaper and have research options. Good luck.
That was my major and I loved it. Can't comment on Washington University at St. Louis. But UCSD's Molecular Biology program has a good reutation and some distinguished professors. You should be more concenrned about the cost of med school than undergrad.
My youngest daughter is finishing her freshman year at Washington University in St. Louis and we highly recommend it! WashU is an exemplary educational institution. We have continually been impressed by all aspects of the school, especially how they are navigating the COVID-19 crisis. Their medical school is highly regarded in the country. My daughter is a History major, but she has many friends who are pre-med. Her best friend is studying Molecular Biology. She also has friends who want to be artists, engineers, business leaders, teachers, etc. The options are abundant and switching majors is common and even encouraged. Good luck with your decision.
I think your question is too specific and This is such a personal choice. Speaking for ourselves- our daughter chose a private college, costing more money & requiring student loans but because the school is a top school, has smaller class size, easy accommodation for her dyslexia, easy access for advisors to change majors (which she has) and change minors (which she has) it has been worth it to us rather than a large well known well ranked public university. It’s such a personal decision, I think it’s hard for others to assess your child/family priorities.
The original question you posed has too many factors for me to give you advice. All I can tell you is that I attended UCSD in the 80s and I wish I had gone to a different school for undergrad. (I went to UCSB for grad school, and maybe I should have done the reverse.) I say this because at the time (and things may have changed since then) UCSD was really a commuter school and didn't provide the kind of undergrad experience I would have wanted. After freshman year in the dorms, I lived off campus as did everyone else. There was no neighborhood or commercial area anywhere near the campus so people just came to campus for classes and then went back to their far-flung homes. There was no real community spirit or focus of activity around the university. I can't tell you if that is worth the cost of private school though. I will only say that I was disappointed with my undergraduate experience at UCSD.
I imagine (and the comments seem to support) that both schools will give her a strong background academically. But they are very different schools--her experience is going to be hugely affected by the small vs. large school environment, and which is "best" depends largely on who your child is. Is she a kid who thrives on being known? Or is she skilled at navigating situations where she needs to be self-directed? What are her extracurricular interests, and how would they fit at each school? Sadly these are the kinds of things a campus visit would help her suss out if you're not sure, and of course that's not the way this year's seniors are going to be making their decisions. But I'd think about what her personality is like, and what kind of experience she is going to want outside of the classroom. (I'd also consider what level of loans she will graduate with--that matters too.) She is fortunate to have two great choices, and I'm sure she will thrive wherever she lands.