Trouble with Kindergarten or First Grade

Parent Q&A

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  • I'm at a loss for what to do with our 1st grader.  We received a message from his teacher 3 weeks into school that since the first week of school he has been off task, is often lying down in the reading area instead of with the group and for many times throughout the day not following instructions.  I wouldn't describe him as a defiant kid who never listens, so I was shocked by this behavior! (He's a typical 6 year old who rolls his eyes and drags his feet when asked to clean up or do things he doesn't want to do but will eventually do it),   His explanation to us and his teacher is that he is "so tired he just wants to lie down" and that "1st grade is boring, there's only books to play with and not toys (like they had for choice time in K)".  I suspect he's bored rather than tired - he's running around like crazy during recess and has energy for after-school activities and playing.  But he hasn't mastered the concepts being taught so I don't think it's boredom because he's not challenged.

    How do we help him pay attention and follow instructions? Part of the shock hearing this is his lack of reverence or respect for his teacher which is the total opposite of how I acted in school - I don't think that aspect is registering for him.  We've talked about the importance of how we have to push through hard feelings of tiredness or boredom and follow instructions and how it shows respect to the teacher and other students when we do.  It's been better since we learned about what is going on and have given him daily reminders but what else can we do to foster the skills of being an attentive, "good" student?  He hasn't exhibited ADD or ADHD signs in other parts of his life and he's not being outwardly loud, disruptive or physical - but maybe we need to revisit?  

    What is going on??  I wan't to nip this in the bud early in his school career.

    One of two things / he has a tongue tie or restricted breathing and isn’t sleeping well at night and/or he needs a different learning environment. At 6 yrs old the teacher needs to be more concerned with respecting this angelic child’s needs than the opposite. Maybe forest school? I highly recommend the Dr Becky podcast for scripts on how to talk through these things 

    Is it possible he's not reading social cues properly?  Our ASD kid had trouble with that.  He just didn't realize that he needed to

    actually do what he was being asked to do. 

    We got help from Shelly Hansen in Oakland.

    I know you mention your son is active and playing at recess but I would still prioritize increasing the amount of sleep he’s getting at night, by moving up his bedtime at night if you can. It can be harder for a tired kid to focus than for them to play, and the lying down on the rug at school and saying to you after that he was just “tired” makes this a possibility to explore I think. Second, since you mention your son hasn’t yet mastered the concepts they’re learning in school, I would suggest exploring exactly what his level of understanding is. Some kids disengage when they don’t understand what’s going on, and in that case some extra academic support could be helpful. If you have ruled out tiredness and academic challenges I would then suggest exploring your son’s understanding of what are the expectations for behavior in first grade and any interventions that can help him remember these expectations throughout the day. It sounds like you are already reminding him before school to be on task, and you said it’s gotten a bit better since you’ve been doing that. If his teacher is willing to be in daily communication you could try some kind of contract for a reward that your son can earn related to doing a specific behavior you are worried he isn’t doing. So for example “if you are able to sit on the reading rug and transition back with the group, and your teacher says you do this every day for a week, then I will take you to get ice cream on Friday”… or whatever. These types of contracts can be pretty effective when the issue is with attention and motivation. 

    It’s hard to find a provider these days, but a good child psychologist might be able to help you and your son. First of all, they might help rule out learning disabilities like dyslexia or auditory processing issues that could be causing your son to feel frustrated. If those are ruled out, they could help look into emotional issues that might be coming up for him and help you develop parenting strategies to encourage and support more adaptive behaviors from him at school. This is just a side note, but even if he complies with requests “eventually,” it sounds like your son may be displaying more than the usual amount of pushback with you as well but that you may have become accustomed to a pattern of initial defiance that has to be worn down. 

    Hello. I am here to say that you are not alone. My Kinder is a completely different kid at school vs at home. When we first started receiving reports of defiance, disrespect, etc. we were shocked because it is just not who he is at home. I don't have the answer, we are still working on this, but what I was told by our parenting coach was that we cannot correct the behavior at home. Kids this young need their behavior corrected in the moment, not hours after and in a different environment. We have started to work with our sons' teachers on a behavior systems (simple sticker chart) that is the same at school and at home. If he gets enough stickers in the school day he get a small reward (e.g.g 1 starburst) at the end of the day. Our next step is to request that our son be observed so that we get a deeper understanding on when these behavior come up, acknowledging that a teach cannot see everything that is happening when there are 24 other students in the room. 

    Good luck! 

    We had a similar situation with our sons in elementary school. We talked with the teachers and we came together to the following solution: I (the mother) would volunteer once a week for one hour to help in any activity the teacher was conducting that day (writing, math, etc.) and when volunteering I would mostly interact with other children but at the same time observe my child's behavior. It was a win-win situation, because the teacher would get help in the classroom and I'd know what was happening with my sons. When at home, during dinner time, we would talk about that day, what happened in the classroom, etc. Both of them wanted to show themselves in their best behavior, so that disruptive practice was quickly discontinued. Logically, it was not easy logistically, I had to drive from work to the school and back, but it was worth it. Hope it helps.

    Hi, 

    This sounds a lot like my son. Had trouble following directions and was rather laying on the floor than doing his academic work. He did not have any issues with playing, having fun with his friends. It was more the academic work. Fast forward, he was just really overwhelmed and transitioning from K to first grade can be a big step. Re the directions; it’s possible your son is just tired and overwhelmed. How big is his class and does he have issues with following multi-step directions or directions that are connected to doing his work? You might want to ask the teacher when he is showing this behavior. Is in the morning or afternoon? He might just need a brain break. And please keep in mind, all kids are different. Some kids can listen to a teacher for hours and others need breaks. For my son it turned out he was just tired of processing all the academics and it didn’t help that he was in a large class. We transferred him to a smaller school and that really made a difference. He is also able to ask for a ‘brain break’ if he needs it. You might also want to Google on Auditory Processing Disorder (ADP) and see if you recognize any of the ‘symptoms’. 

    Three weeks into school also seems to quick to already think a child might not be a good student. Some children just need more time to adjust to a new routine. Maybe you can ask the teacher if you can visit the classroom and observe or ask really detailed questions about when your son is not following directions/lays on the floor etc.  

    Each kid wants to do well in school and it’s hard for a 6y old to advocate for themselves, you know your kid the best and he will thrive by your support and advocacy. 

    Have you gotten him lab tested, and talked to his pediatrician about being tired?  

    I just found out my son has some low lab levels that may be contributing to him feeling tired, but he's 12 years old and has a disability.

    In any case, if you haven't already, start with speaking to his dr about this.  

    Hello,

    You mentioned your shock several times, which may originate from the fact that your child is presenting in a wildly different way at school than he does at home (what is described by the teacher feels very different than the child you know), or it may be more a response to the pressure you feel to act and "fix" his behavior in school. Either way, based on your description, my intuition would be that this is something to investigate but not necessarily to panic over. It might be that your child is simply adjusting to the new demands of first grade (and it IS a big change from Kindergarten). It might also be that he has either an underlying learning difficulty that makes mastering the concepts more challenging, and thus he avoids the learning, or it might be the result of an emotional reaction to the learning process which is similarly causing him to avoid persisting in learning (by lying down). Kids rarely will say something like "I'm dumb" this early in elementary school, but sometimes at this age, children fail to persist as a protective mechanism (i.e., if I don't try, then I won't have failed, OR I can't manage my own frustration enough to keep at this). I'd be curious about what his teacher has been doing to support his attention and participation. It might be that asking for an initial SST (Student Study Team) meeting would be helpful to support the teacher in generating ideas to improve his engagement. It is probably too early at this point, but if there is a question of learning challenges, requesting to have him evaluated would be helpful in understanding what is tripping him up (school districts will provide the evaluation at no cost to the family, but you will have to officially request it). Good luck!

    Hi,

    I would check his ability to understand the alphabet.  Reading issues do show up early on and its a good time to find the right support if needed. Plenty of really bright kids have this challenge. IF this is the case Id find a private speech therapist to work on the alphabet. (They are different than school speech therapists).  It could easily be his ability to hear over noise as well.  Maybe ask him what is difficult. Kids do well when they can.

    Best of luck.

    Hello.  I'm sorry to hear your son is struggling in the school environment.  Have you considered having him assessed at the Regional Center of the East Bay?  My 2 grandchildren  (3 and 4 years old & on the autism spectrum) are really being helped to overcome some of their disruptive behavior thru their local Regional Center. --- All the best.

    I would like you to know your child and student is not alone in his experience. I am also a parent of a first grader and a behavior specialist who works with multiple school districts in the area. Our kids have been through a lot in the past few years and many of them need some extra support as we transition back into school. I would suggest starting by asking additional questions to better understand the situation.

    Are they collecting any data about the behaviors of concern? Is there a patterns in his behavior that the school has identified?

    Does the classroom have a positive behavior system in place? Does your child have an individual token economy system going? If he is truly bored, do they provide access to alternative work that is of high interest that he can access when he is finished with the expected work?

    There are many things that the school can do to support your child - with your support and collaboration. If the teacher does not have any interventions in place and the teacher is expressing concern that the behaviors are outside of what is typical, you may want to consider requesting an SST (student success team) meeting to collaborate on some interventions. 

  • Our 5 year-old has been having a difficult time making friends during their first year in kindergarten. We suspect a big part of the reason is that they speak baby talk to their peers and make obnoxious baby noises frequently in their interactions. We have tried to address this kindly and directly multiple times, but haven't had much success and are concerned this will have longer lasting negative repercussions the longer it goes on. Is this just a phase? Has anybody else gone through this? Any suggestions or similar experiences and solutions would be very much appreciated.

    I too have been dismayed by my 5-year-old's persistent (though less frequent than before) use of baby talk and worried about it affecting social interactions in her new kindergarten, but have discovered that nearly all her peers use it from time to time - in fact, that's probably why the behavior is so persistent! I don't know if it's a comforting regression or a button-pusher or a form of dramatic play or what. That may be the case with your child as well.

    Does your child complain or act sad about other kids, or do you just not see evidence of group play and one-on-one friendships? If the former, then I agree that is a tough situation and you may want the teacher's input on what classroom interactions are like. If the latter, it may just be that the kids need to take time to get to know their new environment and one another (parent-initiated playdates can help with this). I have made sure that my child has regular playdates with her preschool friends (who all fanned out to different primary schools) so she feels grounded and "friended" as she navigates the new school. As far as I can tell the transition from preschool to kinder is a major upheaval and kids all deal with it differently and in their own time. Good luck.

    My child struggled socially in Kinder. She was sad and really missed her preschool friends. We reached out to her teacher and after school program staff for help and got a list of recommended friends to nurture friendship. We  worked hard to set up play dates and sign up for after school programs and camps with these kids. My kid in first grade is doing well socially now that she has a core group of friends at school. She still misses her preschool friends to whom she feels very connected. They are still her best friends but she is more anchored socially at school. We also try to go to the local library and playground where we often run into schoolmates. 
     

    the baby talk seems very common and normal. My now first grader is very articulate, has a huge vocabulary and reads 400+ page chapter books but still loves to pretend to be a baby and does baby talk. During kinder year, it was worse. This year, it’s better except now she pretends to be a cat and meows ...... During parent teacher conference, even the kinder teacher brought it up as apparently my kid was influencing the whole class to engage in baby talk which became annoying to the teacher!  It will likely pass.

  • Our child is a kindergartner at a well rated OUSD elementary school. 

    It is an exhausting battle to get her to go to school almost every morning. She says school is boring, she doesn’t have friends, etc. she tries to fake illness sometimes and lobbies really hard to be tardy. As a result, we were tardy 40 days in a semester. On some days, we literally strong arm her to put her in the car.

    The teacher says she is doing well at school. She is one of the older kids in class and is mature. Her academics are at grade level. She has had a bit of trouble finding good friends in class because most kids are so much younger than she is and there was a mean girl. We are working with the school about the bully. When we pick her up, we often see her happily playing with friends. The teacher has also moved her seating arrangement so she can sit with kids that are at a similar maturity level.

    I wonder if the school work is too easy or the school is too much crowd control and not much on fostering the love of learning.

    we both work full time, so we have to send her to after school and have a babysitter pick her up at 6 pm until we can get back home from SF by 7 pm. 

    8:30-6 is a heck of a long day for 6 year olds... we get it but many other kids are on the same schedule and our friends don’t report that their kids protest school as much as our kid.

    We make just enough not to qualify for any financial aid so private school is not possible for us. 

    We moved here for the neighborhood school.

    We don’t know what to do. Kid needs to go to school and after school so that we can work.we need both incomes to make a living in Oakland and job change is not possible.(We took out a 401k loan to buy a house so we are locked into our jobs.)

    When we hear other people saying their kid loves school, we are puzzled. How do we get our kid to like school? 

    I think she needs more downtime at home. My kids liked/loved their OUSD elementary school, but no way, no how did they want to do after care, even with their friends, because they wanted and needed downtime at home, even if they couldn't articulate it very well. We were able to have a babysitter pick them up and bring them home. Some kids do fine with a long day at school and some do not. If she were at school for 6 hours instead of nearly 10 I think she would protest a lot less. My 5th grader's only complaint about school is that she has to wake up early. Otherwise she loves it, but still, no way, no how does she want to be in after care.

    My son was similar at that age. Several times the principal called me to pick him up from school, as he would crawl under the classroom table and refuse to come out. Most of his issues stemmed from anxiety and the chaos created by the lack of control that the teacher had over the class. What worked for us was taking him out of the after-care program which was also very chaotic. As you said, 8:30-6 is a very long day for a 6-year-old, or even for an adult! Can you arrange to have a sitter pick her up right after school and watch her at home? If she has more downtime, she might make it through the school day more easily. Also, if her resistance stems from boredom, perhaps the teacher can give her different work/activities that are of high interest to her? It may also help her to have one close friend, although I do notice at that age that friendships seem to come and go quickly and few have truly close friendships. But if there isn't anyone in her class who she bonds with, maybe there is an opportunity during recess for her to meet kids from the other K classes? At my son's school, one of the K teachers started a social skills club where certain kids (such as my son) who had challenges in making friends all came together once per week. Another option is a buddy bench where children who don't have anything to do or anyone to play with at recess can sit on the bench and be joined by others who are seeking friendships. 

    You might want to get your child tested to see if she's gifted. The work just might be too easy and maybe she is just incredibly bored. UC Berkeley Dept of Psy offers reduced fee IQ testing (and for different issues) 

    https://psychology.berkeley.edu/clinics/our-services

    If the situation is what it is and won't be changed, then I would suggest you stop trying to get her to like school and instead sit and listen and empathize with her. Reflect back what you hear her say: "you don't like school." "it feels like you don't have friends" "You wish you could stay home with us today. That would be nice" You could add your own thoughts and feelings "I wish you didn't have to do such a long day. It must be tiring for you. I bet some days it feels overwhelming for you." Usually when I move from trying to change my kid's mind to just being a listening partner for him I see his little body melt and the stress go away. They just want to be heard and understood, even if nothing can change. Good luck. It sounds tough. 

    Maybe she just needs extra sleep? It seems she is doing fine at school and only has behavior problem in the morning. My daughter was like that since she started 1st grade (she is 6 as well), and we try to start her bed time 30 mins earlier. That makes a huge different. 

    Hi there!  My background is bridge-k teacher, so I have a lot of experience helping kids transition to kindergarten.  Sounds like this school might not be a good fit for your kiddo.  Even though other people’s kids are doing fine, one size definitely does not fit all!  Every kid is different.  I have a friend who was having a very similar situation with their  kindergartener.  Top rated public school, and the super bright kid hated it.  They didn’t want her love of learning to be completely squashed, which was happening.  They ended up changing to Urban Montessori Charter.  She’s doing great now.  As hard as it is, you may want to think of checking out alternatives before your kid really gets a hatred of school ingrained.  

    I am so sorry your family is having this experience, the jump from preschool to K is a big one! We had a similar struggle that is better now though still really tough now in 1st grade.

    Is it financially possible to have your sitter pick her up any earlier, even if some of the days? We found this helpful with our daughter and found that by her getting picked up between 4:30-4:45 it helped some to lessen the length of the day, less meltdowns, etc. we also just let after school and after school be very mellow (quick and simple dinners she likes, maybe even one favorite show, stuff like that). The day is so packed and this really helped us all decompress before bedtime. Or maybe one day per week she comes home right after school, like on a Fridays with a sitter if possible. 

    I do hope things improve for all of you! 

    Hi,

    As a mother, I truly hear your pain and confusion and how difficult it is to make sense of your daughter's experience.  I would like to respond as a social/emotional learning specialist. It sounds as though from an external perspective your daughter is doing well - according to her teacher and what you witness when you pick her up. At the same time, there is clearly something going on for your daughter internally that is preventing her from enjoying school. Have you met with the school counselor? Since the issue lies not so much in external reality (she isn't being bullied, she isn't struggling academically, she isn't socially isolated) I would encourage you to help your daughter explore her inner experience. The ideal scenario would be to find a good child therapist who can do some play therapy and help your daughter process and work through whatever it is that she's experiencing. It's impossible to know but it might be related to her attachment to you both and some sense of insecurity, something that she needs but isn't able to express, perhaps she's very sensitive and the transition from pre-school to K has been challenging - bigger than what she as used to...I am just throwing some possible stressors out there. The bottom line is that meeting her where she is, providing a safe space in which to explore what's going on for her, is probably the most effective way to help her and to gain insight into the situation. I suspect that with some professional support to work through her experience, she will be able to move through this time and settle into her life at school.

    Just occurred to me one more thing that helped our now first grader—I made an adjustment in my morning routine to get up earlier and I would try to have as much done as possible before my daughter woke up (lunches, get myself ready etc) so that when she was up I could focus on her having more quality time, not a rushed breakfast, etc. It meant about an hour less of sleep for me but I think have us both more quality connected time before the craziness of the day began. It helped lessen the morning struggles and tardiness too. 

    The fall birthday made me think... is it possible your daughter would be better off skipping a grade? My (4th grade) daughter's BFF has an October birthday and was apparently miserable until they pulled her out of 1st grade and stuck her in 2nd. She has been happy and thriving ever since. We are also at a highly regarded OUSD school. Something to explore with her teachers and the school admin, maybe...? 

    That is a long day. My kid goes to preschool right now from 9-5 and even he protests. Every once in awhile I pick him up at 3 or 4 and take him to the library or shake things up, and it seems to make him feel much better about going through the slog of school as a result. 

    I wonder if your budget would allow you to pay a babysitter to pick up your kid from school instead of after school care? Or at least to pick her up at 4, so it's not such a long day, maybe after an enrichment activity. 

    I'm sorry you're going through this. You might consider having your daughter assessed by an independent or the school psychologist.  Both my children (now late teens) went through bouts of similar behavior.  Both are gifted with high levels of anxiety, one has the added complication of ADHD.  Knowing this allowed us to work with their schools as well as independent practitioners to support the underlaying causes of the behaviors.  For one, targeted support for a short time was all that was needed. For the other, it's an ongoing effort.

    Kids this age cannot articulate why they are behaving the way they are. It may be helpful to have a professional assessment to better understand what's going on and for recommendations on how to support the underlaying cause and/or address the concerning behaviors.

    Compassion and care for yourself as well as your child will go a long way in making a tough time manageable.

    Hi-sorry you’re dealing with this!! We went through the same thing with our son many years ago. He was also at a great public school but the class was too big (27 kids) and, looking back, I think the classroom structure didn’t work for him. He was well behaved and quiet so he didn’t get a lot of attention. The teacher had to focus on bringing a wide range of kids up to a certain level and she spent a lot of time managing behavior. My son would have done better in a setting more like preschool or a private school kindergarten. The good news is that once he got to first grade, school started to work for him. When he didn’t want to go to school in first grade, 2 things helped. First, I knew he was ok once he got there so it was easier for me to insist. The other thing that helped was a sticker chart with rewards for getting to school on a time. Good luck!! This too shall pass. 

    Long distance diagnosis here, but you asked for suggestions. You should of course talk with a school counselor and look into having her tested.

    My guess is she's under-challenged intellectually and emotionally, and lonely. She plays well with classmates because every child needs friends, but she really needs interaction with children who are developmentally her peers. And she may need a different learning environment--that could be individualized instruction, tutoring, enrichment opportunities like dance or music or sports, children closer to her maturity level, or something else.

    I recall being super bored at school for years, staring in 3rd grade.  I really wanted to be engaged, but the work was not challenging and smart kids (girls in particular) were not well-liked. Knowing the answers was not cool. Then everyone wondered why I seemed inattentive and depressed and lonely. I started balking and doing everything I could to avoid going to school, it was soooo boring and lonely and of course I was bullied. And I was constantly sick. Finally as a junior in high school we moved temporarily and I had the chance to attend a more challenging school with a cultural attitude that it was okay to be smart. Hey! Suddenly I liked school! My grades went up! I made friends! I no longer felt like such an oddball.

    To give you some added issues to consider: Just because a school has a "good reputation" doesn't mean it's enough for her. A friend moved to Albany for the schools and later told me she did not feel they met her children's academic and social needs very well. I went to school in a university town, and I still found it inadequate.

    Also, maybe she needs a little more bonding time with her parents. You do love and are worried about her but you also want her to get with the program so you can continue on your treadmill. I know you feel very trapped between housing costs and the demands of your job, and that "other children" seem okay with this long day. But this is YOUR kid, and she's probably picking up on your own sense of being caught between a rock and a hard place. 

    So please, consider your priorities and open up your thinking. The big picture is: If you have to work for the mortgage and your mortgage is high to afford a good school and the good school isn't good for her ... you're boxed in for no good reason.  What you are showing her is that adulthood is not an improvement on childhood, you're still trapped with no good alternatives. But that isn't true. You CAN make changes, big or small. But before you make a huge change, you have a lot of options to explore. Talk to the school about other ways to challenge her; look into after-school activities (physical, intellectual, artistic); focus a little more on family time. Give her some ways to stretch and grow and see what works; then you can make bigger changes if you need to.

    My 2 cents. I wish you good luck and a thriving family.

    I would request an SST (Student Success Team), a meeting with the teacher, coordinator and other stakeholders to brainstorm some supports and solutions.

    Kindergarten is primarily a social experience for kids, have you tried having any 1:1 play dates with some likely prospects?

    Good luck to you!

    Hello -

    I wouldn't feel alone.  Stories like yours are out there and are often what send parents looking into other options, like private school.  I am a parent of a kindergartener at Aurora School in Oakland, and many parents who are there shared your story.  The progressive curriculum is one that is child centered and fosters a love of learning.  Aurora teachers are phenomenal at finding what truly sparks your kid's love of learning.  The teacher to student ratio at Aurora is about 12-15 to one teacher & aide, and this makes it possible for them to really get to know your child and find out what they like.  This way the motivation comes from within.  They want to learn more, want to go to school.  

    And, please don't make any assumptions regarding financial aid.  You never know what you'll get until you try.  

    My heart goes out to you! We went through something very similar! We chose to send our daughter to a local public charter school because we thought it would be a great program for her. She hated it. We also had to practically manhandle her to get her into the school. I felt like such a failure as a parent! At the end of the year we had around 79 tardies and most were from us being an hour or two late. 

    We were able to put her in a smaller public school for first grade and it was a night and day difference. Smaller class, warm caring teacher...she thrived. 

    If you can look at other schools public or private I would do that. As others have said you might be surprised at the amount of aid you might get. Or another public school might be a better fit. I know that changing schools isn't always a possibility so if you can't, I'd sit down with her or cuddle on the couch and really try to listen to her and do all you can to let her know you're on her side. Find as many ways to connect with her as you can. That helped a little bit in our case...I had started to feel like all our interactions were negative and I'm sure she did too. 

    Again my heart goes out to you both, it's so hard!

    Late to the party, but this sounds quite a lot like my daughter's experience last year in K. First grade has been completely different. I mean 100% better. We did not switch schools because like you, we bought our house for the schools it feeds into.

    We did a couple of the things that have already been mentioned, and I do think they were helpful.

    1. Hire a babysitter to pick her up at the end of class, or at least by 4 or 4:30. You're right that the day is too long for a person that small. Doesn't matter that her peers seem fine with it; it doesn't work for your kid. Didn't work for mine either. The girl across the street, who is younger than my child, had the same long day with no problems. We hired a high schooler to get her at 3pm every day and bring her home. They played till Dad got off work at 6. Sometimes went to the park or out for ice cream. Coming home made a huge, immediate difference in behavior during the classroom day.

    2. Sent her to a play therapist every two weeks. I actually don't think this did one thing for my kid, but it made the school feel like we were doing something and kept our K teacher not exactly happy, but feeling like we took her frustration with our challenging child seriously. My daughter enjoyed the play therapist's toys very much lol.

    3. Set up weekend play dates every single Sunday of the year. Maybe we missed a few weeks. But invested in positive experiences with the 1 or 2 kids she liked in class. That was a great foundation for giving her someone to play with at recess. (Doesn't have to be Sunday of course, but we had more success with that because people don't have as many sports or other kid activities.)

    4. Make sure she always had an extracurricular activity (only one! meeting only once a week!) that she liked and felt good about. 

    We survived kindergarten and worried hugely about first grade, but it's been great. Her teacher gets her this year, and this teacher's classroom structure is REALLY WORKING for our kid. She has more friends. Reading instruction really kicks into high gear, so she's been able to be with an advanced group of readers. Her teacher sends home loads of links to resources for extra math or reading. Our girl is even back in the aftercare program three days a week and doing fine there. (I wasn't ready for 5 days, just in case it went sour again, so a babysitter gets her the other two.) Sometimes you have years where it just doesn't click. My boss actually told me last year that his daughter had a similar K experience at a highly rated school, with a K teacher who had multiple teaching honors. This teacher did not work for his kid and she was miserable all year. My boss's daughter is a high schooler now, and he says they've never had another year with issues like that. We toured private schools, but I'm so glad we didn't pull the trigger. 

    We had the same issue. Our six year old was highly gifted and referred to school as a "waste of time." This was after she had already been accelerated one grade in another state. When she tried out Quantum Camp's one day per week math/science program she LOVED it and said she was so envious of kids who went there. If we had stayed in the area, we likely would have homeschooled and used Quantum Camp (private school was also out of reach for us). We decided to move to an area that offered differentiation.

Archived Q&A and Reviews


OUSD kindergarten not a good fit--what to do now?!

Oct 2010

 

Our daughter is currently enrolled in kindergarten at a very ''desirable'' Oakland elementary school. It's been a month now and it's clear this program is not the best fit for our kid and our family. Long story short, we need to find a ''progressive school'' pronto. But what to do now--pull her from the program and homeschool for the year? Try to get her into a another Oakland school or a private kindergarten? Has anyone dealt with this issue before? What progressive schools should we be contacting? We could really use some advice. Thanks! Burned by OUSD school experience



Hello - Our daughter had a very bad experience in the beginning of her K year as well. We were in a private school, which made the decision to leave very difficult financially. We are SO GLAD we did it. We decided to move her mid-year and she has been happy ever since (6 years now). Yes, I think you should contact private schools if you know that is what you want to do. We asked around and found out that there was room to add a child in the K class of another private school - one that was a better fit. You will have to apply and your daughter will need to visit to be assessed. It is likely that there is a better school out there and it is worth making the move. If you feel that progressive education is likely to be a good fit, I strongly recommend that you check out Windrush School. Happy Windrush Parent



I am not sure which schools have openings, but I would definitely look quickly at Redwood Day School to see if they do. It is a WONDERFUL school and if they have space, I think they will add to Kindergarten classes until about Thanksgiving. Happy parent of 2



Before you make a big decision, I'd like to advise you to check and be sure that the problem is the whole school, and not just the teacher. We just about changed to a private school when my child had an exceptionally bad experience with a kindergarten teacher. We ended up staying, and I'm very glad we did. If I had known then what I know now, I'd have asked to have my child switched to a different teacher; it would have been a relatively simple solution to what seemed at the time to be an enormous problem. anonymous



I would like to recommend a small school located off Peidmont Avenue that offers exceptional hands on learning experiences from some of the best teachers in town. Archway School is more than a school, it's a community where kids go and LOVE to learn. The ''experiential learning'' that happens at the school provides children with opportunities to use their natural gifts and sense of exploration to master the basic subjects. The school is involved in service learning and community building as part of it cirriculum as well. The outstanding teachers all take a special interest in your child and are open and communicative on all levels, making themselves fully accessible to student and parent alike. Archway is a hidden gem in Oakland and we'd like you to check us out! lee