my kids are the ages of 15,19 & 20. Back when my son was 16 (is the age of 20 now) he wasn't able to go for his permit until he had his eyes checked because he needed glasses, but at the time my ex husband was responsible for providing insurance for him my by court so long story short he wasn't able to get his permit till age 18 and to make it fair I made my middle child (is the age of 19 now) wait to get her permit till she was of the age 18 as well, but however she has taking her drivers test before my son who is currently 20. Now that my youngest daughter is turning 16 in two months she has been bugging to let her get her permit as she is the oldest in her grade and all she has every talked about growing up is the day she would be able to drive and she keeps coming up to me with written out plans on how it is fair she gets her permit at 16 keep it from my other two children but have to wait till after 18 to go for her drivers test and, I thought about it for a little but that would involve her renewing her permit two times, she also keeps bringing up the fact her sister went for her license at age 18 but her brother has yet to and he is 21. I feel bad making her wait because I know how bad she really wants it and it would help having another driver in the house as my other two kids are away at college and I work a lot, I'm not quite sure what to do, I want to allow her to but I don't want my other two children to be mad at me for it, any advice?
I don't see how it hurts the other two kids if you let this one get her permit earlier than they did. If you really think it will bum them out, maybe call them up and explain that you'd like to let their sister get her permit earlier than they were able to get theirs, because it would really help you if she could drive herself, and you hope they understand and are OK with it. You could even tell them you'd like to get them a present to make it up to them and give them some cash or something. I think you made a mistake making the middle child wait and there is no reason to compound it. My husband and I have a total of four kids between us and each one could tell you a story about how the other three got something they didn't or he or she was forced to do something the others didn't have to do. There's no way you can make things totally even.
Frankly, I do not think it is fair what you are doing. Each kids' situation is different, and unless there is an across the board insurance situation, or other rule you are following that would make a difference, I think you have to assess each situation on its own merits. Way back in the day a younger daughter wasn't supposed to get married before all her older sisters....also not fair! Things have a way of evening out over time, and at some point, it is also OK to do what works better for you! ;-)