Evening Activities with Spouse

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What to do after baby goes to bed?

Sept 2010

I know this probably sounds lame to so many that struggle with bedtime, but our kid is a champ.... and now my partner and I are having a hard time coming up with a way to connect.

We have about an hour to spare some (not all) nights after chores, etc before bed. We seem to find ourselves on the computer or watching tv which is great some nights, but on others, I find myself wanting to ''do something'' with my husband so we can chat and joke and have fun. Cribbage and the board game Sorry only lasted us for a week.

What do you do after the baby is in bed? boring

I am so glad that you are wanting to connect with your partner as I feel it is essential to having a good partnership. How about you come up with a ''script'' of questions that each of your asks. Maybe each of you could take a turn discussing your day. What was good? Was there a glitch? What are you grateful for? I always feel like it is great to discuss the good and hard parts of the day with ones partner to get feedback and support. And, I always love to end each day with some gratitude.

If you are beyond 8 weeks postpartum, sex it a great way to connect. It provides some exercise, stress release and intimacy. And, I have never met anyone who looked back at their life and complained, ''well, I just spent too much time having sex with my beloved''.

Whatever you come up with, the fact that you and your partner are working on quality time and intimacy with a young child is a great thing!! - Happily Married Mom of 2

sex? It's a wonderful way to connect and play and be together. b.
What a wonderful question to ask with a new baby in the picture. It's a time when you can (and need to) re-invent your routines and rituals with each other. Here are some thoughts: What if you and your husband each picked a night or two, and took on the task of finding something fun or interesting to do. Some possibilities are: a late, special dinner; coffee or tea or wine; listening to music; making love, a dance lesson from someone who visits your house; a book discussion for a book you both read on some of those other nights; a night out (with a sitter at home); planning a future vacation or project. Then on the other nights you can take some time for yourself, watch TV, catch up with family or friends, or whatever you need for yourselves. If it's not every night, creating quality together time might seem more do-able. Pat
I read your post aloud to my husband and he, without hesitation and with great enthusiasm, suggested you and your husband have sex. I concur, actually. If you have the time and energy some nights to think about what to do, just do it. ; ) good at giving advice, not at taking it
Talk to each other. Get reaquainted with the person who is your mate and co-parent. Ask about childhood experiences, opinions on world events, feelings about his/her work. There are several books of provocative questions available such as those by Gregory Stock, PHD. you might look into for stimulating conversation starters. One example I remember is ''Would you eat a live bug for $1000?'' Not very romantic but there are others such as ''Describe a perfect day'' which will serve to reconnect the two of you. Isadora
have sex. that's a way to connect
It really is easiest to plop down in front of the computer at the end of a long day, and I'm guilty of that, but what a great idea to plan in some couple time! We used to have Happy Hour after the baby went to bed. Like, an actual cocktail. That was fun, and could sometimes lead to more fun things. Sometimes we'd play cards, or Scrabble, or some other board game. If you have a Tivo, you could record something you both like to watch, and save it for Happy Hour. We'd watch yesterday's Daily Show, or The Office, or something else funny. Reading together is fun too. Hope you get some good suggestions! Tired
How about puzzles, reading out loud to each other, games such as cards, Rumikub, Sequence. AP
Gosh, I wish I'd had this problem when mine was a baby! In order to maintain the intimacy with your partner that can sometimes get lost once baby is in the picture, I'd like to suggest massage swaps. That'd help you both unwind, open up communication lines so you discuss your days freely, and possibly lead to more intimate connecting by bedtime! You could include frills such as oils, candles, wine, etc., or just simply spend time together making each other feel good. Stephanie
Not meaning to sound flippant, but... ummmm... how 'bout a little sex? That is often a great way to reconnect with one's partner. exhausted after bedtime battles
How about investing in some more interesting games than Sorry! I suggest www.funagaingames.com and look at Ticket to Ride, Settlers of Catan, Masons, Dominion to start your collection. or try some crosswords or jigsawa together. Have a late dinner and prep it together. massages. read world news and understand it. ever growing
I am totally in your shoes too! Some options that have worked for us are:
Reading novels out loud to one another--it is terribly fun
DON'T clean the house every night, leaving yourselves only one hour of together...the house will still be messy tomorrow.
1-2 nights only of TV/movies; that IS together time, yet it isn't
Getting a babysitter one night each week after your baby is asleep
couples yoga
a multi-piece puzzle that you do each night as an on-going process
go sit together in the backyard (if you have one) and look at the stars; take out a blanket and wine
Read Harry Potter together? Design your dream house? Share newspaper stories? Tangoes? Or turn on some music and dance?

If it's going to be TV, at least make it youtube, so you see what makes the other laugh, or interests them (maybe try looking for the monkey king of India, for example, or stupid cat tricks...) Anon