Compulsive Hoarding

Parent Q&A

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  • Hoarding Help!

    Oct 10, 2022

    Hi there. I am looking for recommendations about how to help my mother with all of her 'Stuff".  She is 74 and has a mountain of things that need to be dealt with but due to health issues, she can't manage it on her own.  She has been a hoarder for years and suffers from ADD (self-diagnosed) so can't see through the clutter herself. Now the more limited mobility of a few recent strokes and just aging in general has made this even more extreme.  She is open to parting with things but also has the standard unrealistic dreams of "if I could just get it organized then..." There is SO much stuff that even organized it would be out of hand.  I need to find someone to help her figure out how to part with a large portion of this stuff and then to find a way to reasonably  organize what remains.  There are a lot of professional organizers out there but I am looking for recommendations of people who know how to work with seniors and folks with ADD and hoarding tendencies.  Many of the services out there charge $150-$200 an hour but the amount of stuff in her house makes this too daunting to consider.  I could use one of these services if they were willing to work with her on an overall plan and then refer her to someone cheaper to do the on the ground labor.  Unfortunately, she can't do a lot of it herself because she can't lift all the heavy boxes anymore and I work and have 3 young children so need outside help.  I realize this is a bit ridiculous with all of these parameters but am hoping someone has some experience out there that I can draw on to piece something together.  Thank you!

    Sometimes estate auction services will work with individuals to cull extraordinary amounts of property. Perhaps look into one of those? They will keep a portion of the proceeds from selling excess. Then maybe you can have an organizer help with what remains? Good luck.

    I highly recommend Laura Hendry as a professional organizer. She has been involved with helping "hoarders" and their families for over 20 years, including many seniors with various physical and emotional challenges. She is great with helping people part with things as well as organizing what remains. She would be willing to consult and coordinate for a lower pay rate than the $150-200 per hour that you quoted in your posting to do the work, which is her standard practice with situations like the one you reported with your mother. She is also able to bring helpers in to assist at a reasonable rate.

    She helped my family with organizing to pare down our belongings to prepare to sell our house and move, getting us to a point where we could complete the process on our own. She also spent a couple sessions with my son when he was in elementary school, sorting through outdated toys and belongings, which really helped him part with stuff he had outgrown. He is now a young adult and those couple sessions were a turning point in his coming to enjoy disposing of outdated belongings, which he has done many times since, often involving a friend in the process. 

    Laura can be reached at eliteorganizer [at] (eliteorganizer[at]gmail[dot]com) or 925-642-8348. 

    This is not a total solution, but I would recommend using the facebook buy nothing sell nothing group to offload any usable items.  It is a group that does hyper local giving and it is great because people could just come and pick up from her front porch.  If she needs the item removed, just note that she can not help lift the item.  It might give her some more comfort that she is giving to someone that can use the item right away then giving to goodwill.  

    The mental health organization in SF has some resouces on hoarding:   

  • My 70 year old mother currently lives alone in a two bedroom, two bath with a garage and a huge yard in San Leandro.  She needs to move by the end of July and does not yet know where she is going. She is having a difficult time finding a place that matches her limited budget and allows her to live in a place where she feels safe.  In addition to that, she has a hoarding problem that needs to be addressed as it is, and has been greatly negatively impacting her life.  Admittedly, it has been easy to push off intervening while I raise my two young kids and she comes to my house but now that she needs to downsize or at best just move, the amount of "stuff" that she has to deal with is a great burden and is really exacerbating the problem of looking for housing.  (And the flip side is that the anxiety of moving is not exactly calming her anxiety based hoarding issues!).  My mother also happens to be a therapist so although in some senses, it has made her aware of the issue (she's tried different medications, therapies, etc. in the past) it also makes it quite difficult to discuss the issue with her.  She wants me to help her get ready to move but I know from experience, this will not go well and will be a waste of time for both of us.  Yes, it is time for us to confront the issue more seriously but now that she has found out she has to move very soon, I am looking for recommendations of anyone who has experience dealing with helping a hoarder prepare to move. I've seen a couple of companies advertised online but it's hard to tell if they'd be suitable since I haven't ever heard of any of them.  If you have any experience with one, I am all ears!  I need someone who is compassionate and understands the issues involved with hoarding but someone who will also help her part with a lot of her "stuff" in order to make moving manageable.

    Any advice or recommendation is appreciated! Thanks!

    I'm a moderate hoarder and I swore that I was not going to move a lot stuff that I don't use into my new house. What helped me was slowly going through each room and separating it into different categories. 1. Stuff that i use all the time that needs to be easily accessible in the house. This includes my newly organized files. 2. Stuff that I use sometimes (e.g. camping gear) that needs to be accessible in the garage in a bin. 3. Stuff that I never use but just can't part with went into bins that go into the garage (not cardboard boxes as that just leads to more drama down the road). 4. Stuff that is still good that I never use that someone else might want to buy. 5. Stuff that is garbage that no one would want. 6. Recycling. 7. Shredding. I labelled large plastic bins and had them in a line so that I could easily put each item that I picked up into one of the categories. When a bin filled up we dealt with the contents.

    Once I went through everything I had a garage sale. I didn't sell all that much (about $500) but it made it possible to part with my treasures knowing that someone else would appreciate them. At the end of the garage sale my husband loaded up everything left and took it to Goodwill. I could have never just given all of this stuff to Goodwill directly but selling some of it and passing the costume items along to a kids' camp made it possible to part with all of it. It was hard and I wanted to take some things back but I didn't allow myself to do it. Now I have no regrets.

    I think that one issue that hoarders have is that we don't see our junk as junk. We see it as items with many uses that we might need someday. Of course the stuff can't be found when it's needed so there's really no good reason to keep it. But I think that if you can approach things with your mother as rehoming good stuff instead of clearing out junk that it would be easier for your mom to deal with.

    Also, I needed to go through the stuff by myself without any help. Once I had it separated then I used help to get the stuff moved/disposed of. But the initial sorting had to be done at my own pace without any pressure. The result is that my husband asked if I had seen something of his for work and I was able to easily get it for him! I feel really good about all of the progress that I've made. But it only happened because I was ready and took the time to slowly do it. My husband trusted me to do it and I finally did. He was amazing support for me, hauling stuff away when I was ready but never pressuring me. 

    I'm very proud of myself right now. This was a very hard thing for me to do and I got through it. Hopefully your mom can recognize this as an opportunity to make it easier for her to find the things that she really cares about and rehome the things that she doesn't. Getting started is the hardest part. The giant plastic bins were invaluable.

    I have some experience moving and throwing things away for my elderly parents. If budget allows, I found it was best to move the person first with just enough to furnish a house, and leave everything else behind to sort later. A little time and distance helps to make things easier to throw away. If you can afford it, keep the things in the house. Otherwise move everything into storage with promises to deal with it later. If she never goes back for it you can dump it at some future date. 

    This is soo tough.  My mom at a similar age HAD to move from her NorCal life to the East Coast.  She had gotten herself in a pickle financially and lost her house.  She was a moderate hoarder and getting her out was tough.  We cleared one room and then said she could put stuff that she wanted to go with her in there.  Everything else she/we sorted and garage/sale stuff went in another room.  Some stuff she thought had value (and didn't) I took and told her I sold, and then gave her a small amount and took it to a charity shop.  She felt in control and the stuff that did not sell at the garage sale we packed up and took to Goodwill as soon as it was over- NO GOING BACK IN THE HOUSE.  I was really frustrated and in the end she told relatives I did her wrong.  I don't know how we could have down it any easier.

    In the end she moved with very little and set up shop on the east coast and is hoarding again.  It is very difficult to visit.  

    Hi Sadie, I can recommend two professional organizers that may be able to help you and your mother. 

    Both are compassionate, client focused, highly experienced, and service the East Bay Area. If you are wondering about how to choose an organizer, here's an article (from Dana's blog) that offers some guidance:…

    Best of luck to you. Your mother is very lucky to have such a supportive daughter.

    My dad is a hoarder and things had gotten dangerous in his apartment and with a looming deadline for an inspection he was overwhelmed and unable to act. I found a book “Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding: why you save and how you can stop” and one of the authors practiced near my fathers home back east and I was able to set him up with counseling. That said we did the clean up for him which isn’t the best approach, because while my father was initially relieved, he is angry at us for getting rid of stuff. I admire the person who was able to do the work. It’s hard and takes time. I don’t know about the programs locally, but if your mom can’t do the work on her own, I do recommend getting outside help. Its a lot to manage when it’s your own parent. Best of luck.

    We used Steri-Clean for my parents' home.  They do hoarders and crime scene investigation, which seemed humorous to me at the time.  They were AMAZING.  They rolled up at 8 a.m. with 3 big trucks:  trash, recycling, donations and 3 huge guys and by 6 p.m. you could actually walk through the house without bumping into something.  I think it was about $2k but it would have taken me and my sister weeks to accomplish what they did in 1 day.  Totally worth it!

    Thanks so much for all of your replies. I had already contacted Steri-Clean but it seemed out of my price range for now... I’ll look into the other references as well all the tips are appreciated!

Archived Q&A and Reviews



Dealing with Aging Parents' Unsafe Housing

Jan 2014

My parents have lived in the same home for almost 50 years. My father has always taken a ''Do-It-Yourself'' approach to home repairs and yard maintenance - he has always had a distrust of contractors and other professionals who he assumes try to rip homeowners off. He is a skilled enough carpenter/basic plumber that he has generally kept their place in adequate shape over the years. However, in the past few years the house has faced several major repair issues (electrical wiring, dry rot in the foundation, leaking roof, collapsing deck, etc., etc.) that he is simply incapable of fixing himself and his increasing age makes even some of the basic repairs more difficult. Despite this, he refuses to allow outside professionals address the issues.

Simultaneously, my mom seems to struggle with hoarding-type tendencies. It is not to the extreme shown on same cable TV ''hoarders'' shows - the house never has molding food or animal excrement - but it is simply filled with boxes and boxes of items and huge stacks of papers and piles of clothes on every surface. In some rooms you can only walk a narrow path through all the clutter.

I am increasingly worried about the safety of their living situation. When I or my sibling have tried to bring up moving to an easier to maintain home my mom gets EXTREMELY upset saying she knows moving will make her lose a lot of ''important papers.'' Offers to sit with her and go through every piece of paper to ensure it is filed and moved only agitates her more. Similarly, when we offer to vet and supervise professional workers to address the urgent structural repairs my dad becomes angry and dismissive.

I have expressed to both parents individually and together how concerned I am for their safety. The response is generally some form of ''thank you for your concern, we know there are a few things that need to be addressed, we are doing the best we can, now drop it.''

Has anyone here faced similar issues? Do you know of any resources that might provide guidance on how to approach proud but aging parents and help them accept that they need to make significant changes?

Very Concerned Daughter

If it wasn't for the fact that my dad has just gone through the next chapter of your story, I would think that we might be talking about the same family. I have almost the exact same situation with my father, except his wife isn't my mother (weird but my mother also had the same hoarding tendencies that the second wife has). So, what happened next, to them, was the wife got very ill. An ambulance came and they/my dad got reported to the health department. Basically, the house was uninhabitable (due to the delayed maintenance caused by the piles). The wife was not released back home until it was fixed and went to 'rehabilitate' temporarily in a hotel. It took my 84 year-old dad over a year to remove the piles and piles of junk (clothes and papers) enough so that a contractor could come in and fix the structure. The entire time the wife stayed in a hotel but complained bitterly about her stuff being moved/removed. Between the cost of the hotel (which she demanded) and repairs there is no longer is any equity in the house. My dad, who was not wealthy to begin with, is on the verge of financial disaster. The point here is that regardless of how difficult it may be, you need to take action. As your parents get older it will only become more difficult. I would confront each separately (with siblings) and explain what needs to be accomplished simply to assure safety. Since hoarding is really a mental health condition it may be helpful to consult with a therapist (with hoarding experience) to know the best way to approach your mother's piles. Perhaps renting a storage space and letting her know she can sort through it later will allow you to move it out. Good luck. Anonymous

You have two issues: the need for housing repairs and the hoarding. I think that your county's adult protective services office could give you advice on both, and make referrals to your county's resources. Hard to say what to do about the house repair situation if your father refuses to let anyone else do anything. If they're low-income, they may be eligible for some free repair services, but they'd have to say yes first. On the hoarding, I think most counties now have hoarding task forces. Start with adult protective services and see where they send you. good luck

The hoarding sounds really unpleasant, but you don't mention anything specifically unsafe about it. I'd focus on the maintenance issues. Could you find someone you like to do the work, and have him or her help you present it to your dad as a way to give someone work who really needs it? I found it extremely difficult to get my aging father to do anything that involved spending money on his home - it was always me being wild & crazy with the cash, in his opinion. He also hated feeling helpless. Trying to present it in a way that spared his pride (dad, you are helping someone else!) made a couple of things a little easier. Also just begging him - telling him that worrying was keeping me up nights - just indulge me! have it fixed! - helped a little.

That said, getting aging parents to do anything is really, really hard. Just wait until you have to get them to stop driving. . .

You are never going to talk your dad into allowing help with maintenance, or your mom out of hoarding. It's just not going to happen, so don't be too hard on yourself. My mom lives in a 1 bedroom apartment. She has a path from her front door to her bedroom, and another one from the bedroom to the bathroom, but you have to turn sideways to get through. There are no surfaces that are not piled high, except her tiny bed and the toilet. There are no interior doors that can be closed because they are blocked by boxes and things on hangers. Her oven is full of stuff and only one burner does not have stuff piled on top of it so her cooking is limited to that. She is a smart independent woman, but she just does not see this as a problem at all. She sees it as temporary - she is working her way through the papers, books, piles of mending, broken appliances, etc.. Most of this stuff has been acquired fairly recently - it is not family heirlooms or things she has cherished over the years. She collects stuff that other people in her apartment complex have thrown out. She can't pass anything up.

A few years ago she fractured her shoulder and could not navigate her apartment with her arm in a sling. I came over, at her request, to help her clean up a bit. She became so angry when I tried to move stuff around that she screamed at me to leave or she would call the police. Another time, when she had to be hospitalized for a couple of weeks, she was weak enough not to protest my offer to clean up her apartment, since she'd be using a walker for a while after she got back. My husband and I spent 2 weekends loading junk into our van (broken chairs, multiple microwaves, old sets of encyclopedia) and transporting it to a storage unit. As soon as she was back and feeling better, she had everything moved back in, and she makes it a point to frequently lament the half-empty bottles of 25-year-old condiments I threw out.

You are right, it is a health and safety hazard, but our parents are just not able to see it objectively. You have to bring the law down on them, I'm afraid. Thankfully, in my mom's case, the management at her apartment building conducts fire inspections every 6 months, probably for precisely the reason that hoarders create a great risk to themselves and their neighbors. It takes my mom about a month to get ready for one of these inspections. She drives many carloads of junk to the Goodwill, and she repacks all her boxes so they will fit into corners, on shelves, or in her spacious storage pantries and closets. You could do something similar. I imagine if you call your county health department and your local fire department they could tell you how to set up an inspection. It really is a safety issue, and having an inspection is probably the only way you can get your parents to the point whether they are not a fire risk. I can assure you that gentle urging and reasoning is very unlikely to work! local mom

Unfortunately, no matter how good your intentions are, you can't make your parents do anything they don't want. Can you afford to pay for some of the repairs? That might sway your dad. Off to pay for some small job and try to find a contractor that you and he can develop a relationship with. Someone with a small outfit who is there doing the work - not a contractor who negotiates the paperwork and then delegates it all to a crew.

It may be good to have a professional talk with them - that might carry more weight than you and your sister. Do they have a physician? can you ask him or her for a referral to social work for a safety assessment of the house?

just telling them to get stuff done doesn't seem to be helping. you can express your concern for their safety but you also need to follow up with practical hands-on support in the form of time and money. Even then it will probably be an uphill battle. it hard to accept help, it's hard to admit the loss of ones independence. try to make is seem like they are doing you a favor by allowing you to relax a bit about their safety. good luck

Concerned Daughter, you are not alone: 70 percent of people over 65 will need care from others at some point. If it seems that parents can't take good care of their house and belongings, it's time to ''have the talk'' about planning for the future.

You are right, a cluttered, neglected house in disrepair is a broken hip waiting to happen. But maybe that is not the way to start the conversation. The way you approach the topic sets the direction that your talk will take, and how parents react.

A wonderful, easy-to-use resource for adult children is the guide, ''10 Conversations to Plan for Aging with Dignity and Independence.'' Web:

Also, consider making an appointment with the family doctor. Bring your mother. Describe your observations and ask the doctor outright if your mother is safe to remain at home without help. People in her generation usually listen to doctors.

If you do an internet search on the phrase ''having the talk with aging parents,'' a slew of results will give you other ideas and approaches. Linda

Wow, your story is like deja-vu. My sibling and I were feeling totally overwhelmed. Then we hired Steri-clean ( last year with our parents' house just as you describe. They specialize in hoarding, and the pictures on their website are amazing. They came by to assess the place, then came the next day with 4 big guys and 3 big trucks (donations, trash, recycling) and between 8 am and 6 pm they cleared out the clutter, including the garage that had boxes piled to the ceiling. It was unbelievable!! Yes, it cost a couple grand, but we could never, ever have done it ourselves, and certainly not in that timespan. Highly recommended! So relieved

Therapist to help my hoarding mother

May 2011

My mother is and has been a hoarder for most of her adult life and is just now acknowledging that the problem is serious enough to get help. We have been looking for a therapist in the east bay (she's kind of centrally located in Castro Valley but is willing to travel) who deals with issues of hoarding and also OCD and organizational and attention problems as she identifies having some of these other features as well. Can you help us simplify our search and find someone who has that expertise and/or someone you can recommend?

You will probably need to take a multi-pronged approach. My friend Kathleen Crombie specializes in working with hoarders and their families to clean up and get organized. She can also refer your mom to an experienced therapist. Find more info at Elizabeth

You might want to check with Michael Tompkins, Ph.D., at the SF Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy (in Oakland). He specializes in anxiety/depression/OCD and has written a book called Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Cutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring He is usually pretty busy, but he may be able to refer your mom to someone else.

Also, as the child of a hoarder, I am sure that you have many feelings around your mother's hoarding. In case you are not aware, there is a helpful online support group for Children of Hoarders: Best to you both. BPN mom/psychologist

Berkeley has 2 Clutterers Anonymous meetings-- Mondays at 7:30 PM and Tuesdays at 10 AM, both at Epworth Church, 1952 Hopkins. I saw 2 therapists recommended in the previous replies to your post and want to say that I saw one of them who was completely unhelpful-- nothing has come close to the support I've gotten from this understanding and welcoming group. My home is now clean, clear, and beautiful-- a true sacred space. Recovering Clutterer

I can also recommend the services of Kathleen Crombie both personally and professionally. I have worked with her as an organizer and know for a fact that she has dealt with the extremest of circumstances with integrity and professionalism. I would also suggest you visit the website for the Institute for Challenging Disorganization to get some tips on what it means to be a child of a ''hoarding'' parent. If you still have questions, contact me at info [at] Lis

Help for a depressed elderly hoarder

May 2011

Simply stated my Mother is a hoarder. Not as bad as you see on some of the tv shows, but her home is standing room only and there aren't even that many places to stand. She doesn't keep garbage and the place doesn't smell, but she hasn't done real housework in 30 years. So far we have taken a mostly hands-off approach with her problem because she has been independent and highly functioning outside of her home. She has since retired, lost some of her mobility (using a cane), and is experiencing some hearing loss. Her doctors seem to think this is all normal for her age (mid 70's) but the combination of things has really affected her self confidence. She seems depressed, increasingly isolated, and the hoarding is really getting out of control. She claims not to want help with the hoarding because she ''likes it that way'' but we all know it is a huge factor in her unhappiness. I am her closest friend and main support. We spend a lot of time together but I am really overwhelmed. I don't know if she or I need a therapist, an organizer, a support group, or all of the above. I just know we need some help. Has anyone successfully dealt with this kind of problem? I'm desperate for suggestions or just personal experiences with what worked and what didn't. I'm having a hard time not being critical and blaming even when I know it will only make things worse. Drowning

I found this link with resources and a tip sheet for dealing with elderly hoarding that looks really helpful: It's a mental health issue and can become a public safety issue. I would also strongly encourage your mother to consider getting a hearing aid or two to help her hear better. Costco offers hearing tests and aids or there is probably a hearing center located nearby. Untreated hearing loss is most likely contributing to any depression she may be suffering, as not being to hear can lead to feeling powerless and social isolation as people get frustrated when they try to communicate with other people and give up by staying home. Many people balk at hearing aids, seeing them as an admission of old age, but as someone who has worn them since age 3, I can attest that many young people wear hearing aids just as most people wear glasses. They are expensive, but they work! hope this helps

I just finished the book ''Stuff'' ( and I highly recommend it for you. There are resources at the end of the book for people in your situation. Gina

Call the Mental Health Association. They have the an Institute on Hoarding and Cluttering and have services for you and your mom (if willing) Their # is 415-421-2926 r.

I am a graduate student in gerontology and recently attended a lecture on elderly hoarding and came across some resources that may be helpful to you: A book geared for families: Digging Out by Michael Tompkins. Other experts to research are Randy Cross and Barbara Soniat who, when I searched found a PowerPoint with other good references. (see link below) She also wrote a chapter on Hoarding in Empowering Social Workers for Practice with Vulnerable Older Adults.

Websites recommended are: Hoarding

Wish you and your mother well. geri

Hoarding can be a sign of mental illness and depression is a mental illness. I have a parent who has dementia that started out with slight depression and then the hoarding crept in gradually over a 10 year period. Your parent needs medical help, but that being said, it is extremely hard to find the correct kind without having a medical background yourself to manage all the potential stray paths caused by well intentioned health practioners. There is a program in Livermore at Valley Memorial called the Legends program, which may be a good start. It is a 2 week evaluation-inpatient program.

I would get her permission to ''clean'' the house when she is gone and I would hire a professional team to come in and ''just do it'', and to educate you. I would rent a storage locker to put vital things that she can visit if needed.It is like removing a band-aid, sometimes slow is a lot more painful for everyone, especially her. We cleaned/moved the house with her present, per the recommendation of a counselor and it was bad advice. Bottomline, professional help because this may be part of a natural - irreversible health decline if it has a neurological basis. Best of luck,...its a tough road. j.

There is a great article in the NY times recently and it listed soem support groups at the end. My mother finds comfort in all her ''things'' adn won't let us throw anything out. She isn't quite at the hoarder phase, but keeps way more than she needs or uses. I hope you can help her, but if you can't I suggest finding some way to make it work for both of you so you maintain a relationship over her last years, not always arguing about her space. Good luck. dont' let the clutter win

I don't have any great advice for you, since my own hoarding parent died in his home (which he'd taken great pains not to let me see for more than a decade) before I discovered just how bad his problem was. But I did recently find this online group for adult children of hoarders:

There's lots of info there, and online forums where you can connect and swap advice, stories, and support with others who are dealing with the same issue.

Best of luck. Been There

Dear Drowning,

As a child of a severe hoarder, I can relate to much of what you shared. It can be so heartbreaking, overwhelming, and angering to be in the position you are in, and of course it's hard not to be critical! Sadly, it is usually very hard to fully treat hoarding behavior, though cognitive-behavioral therapy sometimes helps and might be worth looking in to if you're mom's open to it. Depression very often occurs alongside Hoarding, as well as other OCD tendancies. What will work or not work as far as treatment really depends on your mom. Research on hoarding is also relatively new (last 1-2 decades).

If you haven't already, I would suggest checking out Dr. Randy Frost's book, ''STUFF.'' There is also an online and very active support group called Children of Hoarders. Additionally, another child of a hoarder recently published her memoirs, ''Dirty Secret.'' I have not read it, but it sounds interesting and gives voice to the many offspring of folks with this often debilitating mental illness.

In the meantime, take care of yourself, too. Therapy might really be worth checking out, I know it's helped me. And know that there are so many other people out there who can relate to your predicament. You're not alone. Child of a mom who hoards

Wow. I could have written your post. I don't have any surefire advise for you but if your mother is anything like mine, she would not tolerate a professional organizer sorting through her stuff. If you have the time and the patience, I recommend that you help her clear out her house. My elderly mother would not let me touch anything until recently and that's only because she needs me now. I have been visiting about once a month (she lives five hours from here) and I take one surface/corner at a time. It's been a difficult process, but it's brought us closer. I better understand the depression and anxiety that led her to hoard but she won't get treatment for it. It's very frustrating. If you would like to talk more about this, please contact the moderator for my email. I know what painful and strange relationship this can be. Good luck. anon

What you describe about the hoarding in your elderly mother is identical to my mother's situation before she died except it sounds like you live close to each other, and I was flying from here to Portland every week or two for three years to see my mother. I came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do about the hoarding (and my gut-level negative feelings about being in that chaotic environment) so I would pick up my mother outside of her home, take her out to breakfast, chemo appointments, shopping, etc., then return her to her home. This way I supported her in the things which were important to her without putting myself in a place of having to deal with the toxicity of her hoarding (the stuff, the smell, the filth, and the chaos.) I had to create a boundary between my mother's hoarding and stuff (including dead animals and a powerful stench) and myself to support myself in being loving towards her and to avoid going to a place of revulsion. For what it's worth, I have since attended a national conference on hoarding and learned that there are identifiable differences in brain functioning of hoarders for which, to date, there is no effective treatment. I don't know if this is helpful or not but the best of luck. Committed to both loving Mom and self-protection

Counselor for help with hoarding issues?

Oct 2009

My husband and I are looking for a marriage counselor and have gotten some good feedback and recommendations from BPN. My husband has major hoarding issues, and I have yet to see a recommendation for anyone who has received help for hoarding. We need a therapist or counselor who has real experience with this, not just someone who covered it for an hour or two at a workshop or in school. We would appreciate recommendations as well as more specific examples as to how the therapist helped you deal with or overcome hoarding issues. Thank you. anon

Call the Mental Health association of SF, they sponsor a Hoarding and CLuttering conference each year (the next one is coming up soon - go to for more information: I'm sure they can recommend therapists who manage this because of their experience with this annual conference. anon

I just heard Dr. Alexandra Matthews speak in Marin a couple weeks ago. She works with people who have hoarding issues, as well as OCD and other anxiety disorders. Her website is here: You can contact her through her website. As a person with hoarding issues myself, I was impressed by her talk. She said that hoarding was a complicated and difficult issue to resolve, and that successful treatment involved a therapist who practices CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), group therapy, and an organizer who goes to the house and has experience working with hoarders. All of this is expensive, and often not covered by health insurance. There is also a conference on hoarding and cluttering that I urge you and your husband to attend. It is on Nov. 5th and is sponsored by the San Francisco Mental Health Association. Go to for more information. I am going and am taking along several friends who have similar issues.

My father's hoarding has gotten out of control

May 2007

This sounds strange, but I am wondering what I can do with my father's books that are not only taking over his home, but his life. He has been collecting, and hoarding, books for the past 25 years, and it has gotten out of control. The walls of his tiny rental are lined with book shelves and the floors are covered in stacks of books.

Most of them are in great condition and I doubt that they have even been read. There is a large variety of topics, but I am guessing a lot of them are historical, art, & novels. I am wondering how I can get rid of these books other than take them to Half-Price books or Pegasus--that would take a hundred trips and they may not even take most of them. I think they prefer newer things, don't they? I am hoping he can get some money for them. Is it worth having a garage-book sale? Would anyone even go?

So does anyone have any idea as to how I can help him? It has gotten so bad that you can barely walk through the house ... In addition to the books there are magazines, paper, mail, unpayed blls, etc. I would love advice on how to help him with the OCD/hoarding disorder, it is ruining his life, but I guess that requires another post altogether! Any help here is appreciated, please! Drowning In Books!

My mother is a hoarder, so I empathize. My first question is: will your dad let you get rid of some of the books? If he will, just move them out as fast as you can and figure out what to do with them later. My mother was so furious at me the last time I tried to clear a path to the bathroom she threatened to call the police if I didn't stop packing up her stuff and moving it around. really! She picks up things others have thrown out - tables and chairs, clothes, books, shoes, TVs, sewing machines, lamps, you name it. She says that other residents in her complex insist that she take all these things. Once I saw TWO pairs of ice skates in her apartment (she is 78 and has never skated). It's a common problem as people get older. The senior apartment complex where she lives has a policy of ''fire inspections'' twice a year, which is the only way that floor space ever gets cleared enough to walk through her small 1BR apartment, and even then it only stays clear for a couple of weeks. It really is a serious problem. Usually she will not let me come into her apartment at all - she knows I disapprove and doesn't want me to see the mess. She fractured her arm a couple years ago so she had to let me come in to help her. It was insanely unsafe, especially for an old lady with her arm in a sling. There were towers of perilously stacked boxes everywhere, on every piece of furniture and on the floor, sandwiched between those flimsy rolling racks stuffed full of rows of bathrobes and winter coats. I had to turn sideways to pass from the livingroom to the bedroom, and the door into her bathroom wouldn't close without moving big boxes out of the way. The bathtub was filled with somebody else's discarded Christmas decorations, and there was barely enough room to sit on the john without toppling a stack of something nearby. Well, I really don't know what to do about this, I am just very thankful for the twice yearly inspections. Good luck with your dad. Daughter of hoarder

Berkeley Free Clinic offers free therapy services....check them out at It might be a good place to start! good luck...

I, too, have an elderly relative who is hoarding. My mother-in- laws stacks of papers, notecards, books, bulk food purchases and the like are over-taking her life. We are looking into it and I don't yet have much to offer on that. A quick internet search of hoarding and the elderly makes it clear that the problem is common. In our case, it seems to be in conjunction with depression. I am not taking the lead on this one as it seems like my husband and his brothers need to do this but I think there are resources out there. Good luck. With sympathy

I have OCD but I am not a hoarder or clutterer as some like to be called. Is your Dad interested in getting help? Just taking his books away could be very upsetting to him. Even if he is willing it would still be good to get him some support through therapy. A good place to start would be the OC Foundation's Hoarding web site Good luck. OCDer

My mother is a compulsive hoarder

May 2006

I am hoping to find a therapist for my mother. She is a horder and compulsive shopper. If she has a dollar she will spend it on stuff that clogs her house. She also ignores bills and now is having her wages garnished and utilities shut off. I read a great book about obsessive/complusive horders a few years ago (and now can't remember the title). In it the doctor says you can't just clean out a person's house because they have very physical/emotional reactions. He says the best solution is to have a therapist who understands the problem and can actually visit the home with the patient and talk about what the stuff is covering. The book described my mom perfectly and I know that she gets really uptight if she thinks you would throw anything away. Her house is minimally functional and we need help soon. Struggling daughter

I found reading this book helpful in understanding the problem with my mother: Overcoming compulsive hoarding : why you save & how you can stop / by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, Jose A. Yaryura- Tobias Now, I just have to do something about it! Good luck, this is a tough problem anon

A dear friend of mine began as a compulsive shopper, progressed to a hoarder and now is living in second degree squalor. There's a website that describes this condition and may be of some help to you. One thing I read was of children who had cleaned out their parents' homes SEVENTEEN times, only to find that their parents regressed again. The site is and there is another for children of hoarders which doesn't apply to you as you are an adult, but may have good resources its called I wish you well friend of a hoarder

My mom's compulsive hoarding

June 2005

My mother has always been a packrat, but since my sister & I moved away and she moved to a smaller house, things have gotten out of hand. Moving through the house is becoming difficult because of piles of stuff. Going through old papers is very painful for her, but because of her refusal to do so, or let others do it, there are financial and legal problems. We can only visit about once a year because of distance and there is no-one else around to help. Any suggestions? anon

i have an aunt who does the same. unfortunately she livs in a gigantic 4 bedroom house. there's literally a path through the house and up the stairs. either side of the path is at least 6 feet high piles of stuff. she won't let us help her clean it out either. and she's a chain smoker!!

i talked to a therapist and she said it's a kind of obsessive compulsive disorder that some older folks get.

we're still trying to figure out what do to help her. it's a tough problem because they don't think there's a problem. my aunt really thinks she needs to keep all those papers and bags of who knows what.

there are probablly advocates for the elderly in her community. maybe you can start there. good luck

Do you think your mom would be open to hiring a professional organizer/occasional assistant to help her go through her papers, say, once a month to make sure that everything gets cleared and paid, etc? I wonder if she'd be more open to ''professional'' help than help from a family member. I've done organizing with people, and have been surprised to learn that people will often feel more comfortable having a perfect stranger help them than they would getting help from a partner, child, or other close person. Maybe the distance of that person helps them feel more able to ''let go'' of the clutter. If I can help, let me know - Gal

You didn't mention your mom's age or if she hoards other objects (other than paper), making her house unlivable. JIf you mother is older it might be a symptom of dementia or she may have an anxiety disorder that is beyond her control. JDoes she realize how out-of-control her circumstances are ? JIf not, you may have an uphill battle to get her help. JIf you feel the situation is dire, you might want to contact social services. JThey have people trained to assess situations like hers and suggest ways in which your mom can get help. JA social worker might also be able check in on your mom which is something you can't do because of the distance. Best of luck to you. -anon

Members of my mother's family are/were compulsive hoarders, who never really got the help they needed. I'm always on the lookout for signs of hoarding in my immediate family as well. The following was an interesting story on the radio awhile ago, and has other resources listed. Good luck. Anon.