Crying Babies

Parent Q&A

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  • Hello,

    hoping for some advice on something that has just started happening with our 11 week old baby girl. About a half a week ago she has started to cry loudly (screaming ant the top of her little lungs) and will be utterly inconsolable starting at or right around sundown. She will be smiling and happy one moment and then it is like a switch has been flipped and she will start screaming for 1-2.5 hours. We thought it might be cluster feeding growth spurts so have tried feeding her a little bit whenever she will eat. (Like an ounce or more if she will eat it every hour starting at 5/6PM - trying to get ahead of the 8ish PM sundown). Cluster Feeding seems to help a bit but doesn’t stop the uncontrollable crying from happening. She looks like she is in pain and is pushing us away when the crying lags start. It’s not gas or constipation, we don’t think it’s an upset tummy or anything like that as when we start her bedtime routine (on the nights that she hasn’t screamed herself into an exhausted sleep) she is fine and smiley again. We are at a loss of what to do and feel like we are failing our new baby already by not being able to figure out whatever need it is she needs addressed or filled. 
     

    has anyone had or heard of a similar situation with their baby and if so what did you do? Any advice is heartily welcome and appreciated.

    This is so so normal at this age. I highly recommend the Wonder Weeks app or book to reassure you about common rhthyms in sleep and crying for babies. Happiest Baby on the Block also has some good techniques for swaddling, sounds, and rocking that may help. 

    Oof, yes. Sounds like classic witching hour. This is very common at that age. You can look up more about it, but rest assured that it sounds like you are doing everything in your power and are doing nothing wrong. One 'trick' we used at that age was throwing our LO in a carrier and taking a long neighborhood walk. Most of the time LO would knock out and sleep straight through that fussy time, plus mom and dad could get some fresh air and pensive talks during that time. It was really good for the whole family! Other things we tried were bouncing on yoga balls and warm baths, but the carrier walk was the surefire key for us for many weeks.

    Wishing you all the best - it's a tough phase, but it will pass.

    ‘Witching hour’ is so hard! You guys are doing great and it won’t be forever, but that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment! You’re amazing for asking around in your community, and definitely not failing her. Sometimes crying can just be about moving some emotions out of the body, even if all her needs are met. A totally normal part of being a tiny human figuring it all out.

    Taking our baby outside at this time was always helpful as well and wearing him to help co/regulate. And eventually it faded!

    You should talk to her pediatrician to make sure everything is ok.

    Ahh the witching hour! Our 4mo goes through something similar and our best guess is that she's hit her sensory limit of the day. It's like she's suddenly overtired and needs help turning off the world. Since we have an older child, we typically either wear her in a baby carrier with a hood and paci and bounce her, or have one parent manage the older child and the other goes into a dark room with white noise to try to calm her down. It can still take awhile to calm her down. Occasionally she takes a cat nap though not always, but once she's gotten past the overtired hump, she can manage a feed and then is good until bedtime.

    Hope it gets better for you and baby soon!

    Hi! Sounds like the witching hour. Both of my sons had that for about 1-2 months and we just had to take long walks outside (stroller for my oldest, baby carrier for my youngest) and take deep breaths to get through it until we nailed down a better sleep schedule. As soon as we figured out the best wake windows, our sons were much less over/undertired and the witching hour decreased. Here's some info:

    https://www.littleones.co/blog/should-you-be-afraid-of-the-witching-hour

    First time mom to a 5 month old here so hardly more seasoned than you, but wondering if you have tried moving her bedtime earlier so she’s asleep before sundown? I am also remembering that when our guy was around that age I had him out for walks after dark a couple of times (back when sun was setting much earlier!) and he was extremely stimulated by lights etc. Both streetlights outside and coming home to light interiors after being out in the dark. I think as their circadian rhythm is gradually developing they can get really disoriented by those kinds of incongruities. Anyway babies are so tough!! Nobody can tell you with certainty what makes them cry. When our son is really going off and it takes a long time to comfort him I try to focus on the powerful bond we are creating by being there for him when he’s at his most upset. Sounds like you guys are great, caring parents. Hope you can get it cracked soon because I know it is so stressful when they cry like that and can’t settle—but it doesn’t mean you are failing!

    First, know that this is a normal phase for many babies, and it will pass. One day ten years from now, you'll be reading BPN and say "OMG, I had totally forgotten about how awful that was!" The parenting group we were part of when our kids were little called this the "witching hour," and it was a known phase for some babies starting around six weeks through 4-5 months. Colic is also a possibility, but the guidance for colic when our kids were small was the 3/3/3 rule--crying at least three hours a day, at least three days a week, for at least three weeks. It doesn't sound like that's what is happening with your child. We also had one child who had milk/soy protein intolerance that presented as similar fussiness around that age, but again, that happened throughout the day and not just in the evening, and was very clearly linked to feeding. Your description really sounds like classic witching hour--it feels like you have a different baby for just a couple of hours a day, always in that evening window. For us, we shuffled schedules to try to be home during that time so that we could have a consistent routine and not disrupt other activities with a fussy baby, and otherwise just tried to be sure the baby wasn't overtired or overstimulated. A baby swing really helped one of our kids. The only thing that really addressed it was time, though. As intense and challenging as it was in the moment, it was a relatively short-lived phase, and by six months or so, had largely resolved. Good luck!

    Ah, the witching hour. My husband spent 90 minutes every evening pacing our apartment hallways with our first kid strapped to his chest when she was about this age because that was the only thing that would calm her down. You might try similar walks/baby-wearing. The good/bad news is this is almost certainly normal, common, and will pass in what seems like forever but is usually a month or so. I'm sorry - it's really rough, but you will all make it!

    Hi there,

    It sounds like you're dealing with witching hour woes. Our daughter had this as well (many kids do!). There's not really a cause for it, and unfortunately there's not a foolproof way to handle it, but the good news is that it's just a phase. For us, it lasted for about eight weeks, which feels like FOREVER when you're in it, but I promise it will end. While we were in it, we found there were a few things that helped with our daughter (usually, but not always): stroller walks / being outside on our patio, baby wearing so she could be close to us and we could do lots of bouncing and soothing, and (this was the best solution we came up with) getting her down for a nap right before we knew the witching hour was starting so she would sleep through at least part of it. 

    Here's a video that contains some helpful info (make sure to read the caption too!): https://www.instagram.com/reel/CVilKokFJWK/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    Most of all, it's important to know that YOU ARE NOT FAILING YOUR BABY!!! You are doing such a great job!! Even by just asking this question you are proving that you love your sweet girl and that's truly the most important thing. You got this!!

    Our pediatrician told us that stomach/gut things can work themselves out for many months after birth. Even if it doesn’t seem like obvious gas or constipation it could be something going on more internally. She mentioned this is a time when they’re whole digestive system is learning to build itself and process. We used to hold ours in a sitting position in our arms while we stood and walked around. Tush down and legs over the forearms facing out. Almost like a squatty potty position for baby.  If she’s crying in pain it may be related. I think a little too early for teething but that could be it too. Not sure if that helps. 

    maybe she's teething, check with her pcp

    This is called the “witching hour” and every baby I’ve ever seen (including my own) went through it. It’s almost always in the evening because they’re overstimulated from the day; ours was every night right at 6pm. Some of the things that helped us were: taking baby outside for some fresh air, giving a pacifier, swaddling, taking baby into a quiet room. Good luck, I promise it will get better!

    Hi - I just wanted to reach out and say we had a very similar issue with our daughter at around the same age. It was incredibly difficult, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. A lot of people refer to this as the “witching hour,” though for us is was often several hours. The only thing that occasionally helped was taking the baby for a walk outside. My husband and I would trade off walking the baby outdoors, so that each of us at least had a little quiet time to re-group every other evening. Things really started to improve around the 4.5/5 month mark. Not only did the witching hour screaming subside, but we started getting much longer stretches of sleep at night and started to feel like sane humans again. You are absolutely NOT failing your baby. Our pediatrician told us this is common and that sometimes time is the only remedy. Hang in there and know that this is not going to last forever.

    Oh boy...this sounds like what we lovingly referred to as the 'witching hour'! It was particularly painful with my second daughter. How did we get through it...wine, music, earplugs and a baby carrier. If I had her in the carrier it helped, and we would often go on walks at this time just to get her distracted. Painful, normal, and also (thankfully) temporary. Hang in there!

    I agree with the witching hour assessment, and my 1st baby went through the same thing.

    You can also try exploring baby's diet. As I understand it, the more of an allergen baby consumes, the worse the symptoms are. So later in the day baby will have taken more of an allergen than at the beginning of the day. And perhaps the discomfort is only felt after having crossed a threshold. So if it's formula, try offering one with lower lactose (Hipp Comfort is a good one). Or if it's breastmilk, try removing allergens for a day or two and see if that changes anything.

    The infamous witching hour! You are not failing! When my daughter went through that phase, I just walked her around in her stroller while gently speaking/singing to her. I see my neighbors doing the same thing, walking or strolling up and down the block. I don't think there is anything else you can do except wait it out. You can google "baby witching hour" to confirm you are not alone.

    This sounds so familiar to me and despite my son being 9 now, I remember it like it was yesterday! We went through the same thing with him around that age...where he was a very happy baby during the day but right around 6/7pm, he'd start crying inconsolably. This happened like clockwork for us...so we knew to expect it and realized that unfortunately, there wasn't much we could do. Sometimes, he'd be ok with laying down against my chest and it'd soothe him for a bit until he finally fell asleep. I believe most people would call this "colic", so I'd just google it and you'll find the list of symptoms as well as possible ways to try and alleviate it.

    We did notice that white noise helped to calm him down (oddly, he loved the sound of the hair dryer and the second we played it, it usually quieted him down), so maybe experiment with different white noise sounds? 

    Ah yes, the witching hour! 100% a known, real thing. Ours peaked at 10-12 weeks. The best option was to put him in the stroller or bjorn and walk the neighborhood. Hang in there and know that this too, shall pass. 

    Second all the previous replies - the witching hour is very typical and unavoidable at this age! Taking our son outside for some fresh air helps us the most in calming him down. It’s now part of our nightly routine - my partner takes him for a walk in the chest carrier for 30-60 min before dinner. he cries throughout dinner (thankfully I’m a fast eater!) and usually calms right down by the time I get him upstairs for bed. 

    Yes yes! We’ve all been there…initially flummoxed by the “witching hour”! (Or the “grandmother hour”— if you are lucky enough, get a grandma or friend to come take a turn bouncing or wearing the baby so you can have a little relief.)

    Babies love a change of scenery so if you can take an evening walk that will help! If not sing or play soothing music as you wear or bounce baby around the house. 
    Know that in a month or two these crying spells will vanish. Hang in there!

    I see everyone has reassured you that it's totally normal and is just the "witching hour," and I totally agree, but I just want to add that you are NOT letting your baby down, ever, by not being able to figure out why they're upset. Those little rats never come out and tell you! You are doing your best, I'm sure you're doing great, and you're also trying something that you had zero experience in 11 weeks ago. (Also, that's true at any age; for instance, I've never parented a nine-year-old before. I'm doing it NOW...but I've never done it before. And when her sister is nine, I won't have parented THAT kid at nine before either. Know what I mean? This will continue to be new. Be kind to yourself. You're amazing.) (Also, my second kid also pushed away during the witching hour but was more content to be worn on a chest during that time. Maybe that'll work for you too?)

    This sounds like a very typical developmental stage called the period of purple crying. There is nothing wrong with your baby, you're not doing anything wrong (part of the characteristics is that there's nothing you can do that will stop the crying), there's nothing she needs that you're missing, and she will grow out of it. More info here: http://www.purplecrying.info/. Please read about it, I think it will sound familiar and be comforting to know she's not in pain.

    You'll get through this, and really that's your goal. I see there are lots of replies with suggestions like baby wearing or going for walks, etc. Go ahead and try whatever feels good to you, but most likely she'll keep crying (that's unfortunately how this period works), so don't feel like you're failing if it's not calming her. If you need to put her down and step away, that's fine. Use noise canceling headphones or earplugs, do whatever you need for YOU as you walk through this stage with her. It should be better in about a month or 2. Remember the is a NORMAL part of development. Some babies cry more than others (just in case you have anyone telling you their kid didn't do this), but it's expected to peak around this time in all kids.

    Good luck, Mama. You got this!

    This sounds like the witching hour to me, but it's a curiously late onset (usually that is worst at 6 weeks, and goes away at 3-4 months). Are you paying attention to wake windows and making sure she naps/sleeps when appropriate? She might be overtired if she's up for more than 60-90 miniutes at that age. For us, something similar happened when our baby was 5 weeks old, and we ended up investing in a Snoo to help her nap (or sleep for the night) as soon as she seemed tired. And sometimes the last nap of the day would still have to be in the erobaby as I walked around the house -- sometimes that was the only thing that got her to calm down and nap/sleep. For a while we thought she was hungry, but eventually we figured out she was more tired than she was hungry -- and she needed to sleep first before she had the wherewithal to eat. That was just our story -- not sure what will be yours. Just know that if this is the witching hour, it should gradually get better and eventually it will be gone!

    Hi, yes normal but very stressful for parents. Try the 5S from Harvey Karp, they worked well for us. It won't last forever, they grow out of it.

    https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies

    Another resource: Taking Cara Babies

    https://takingcarababies.com/witching-hour-for-babies?gclid=EAIaIQobChM…

    (Sorry for long link—doing from my phone!)

    I appreciate a lot of what she offers but definitely every child varies (for example, with our first, we tried Cara’s sleep/eat schedule but it *definitely* didn’t work for our girl so we let that rigidity go). 
    What worked for us during witching hour (5-6pm for about 4weeks starting around 12 wks?) was just holding her and walking around and around the kitchen island for an hour.
     

    If you’ve ever had cats that run “zoomies” before bed, this is kinda like that—babies can’t run out their energy, so they cry it out to wind down. 
    You're right on track and doing all the best for your baby. No mama guilt allowed. ;) 

    It's witching hour. We had the same problem. It goes away in a few weeks. For us it took 3 weeks. We distracted her by wearing her on the baby carrier or taking her out in the stroller.

    Hi,

    I know a lot of people are saying this is normal, but after 2 kids I found out their "witching hour" was in fact an allergy to milk for one child and lactose intolerance for another. You mentioned you don't think it is gas, but I do advise changing their diet (or yours if nursing) to see if it's something they're allergic or have an intolerance too. 

    When my first started witching around 5pm, I tried adding another nap based on advice from The Happy Sleeper. It totally worked for him. We also did a very early bedtime like 6pm. For my second, he witched at 8/9pm and there wasn’t a whole lot that helped. He also took horrible naps when he was a newborn, like 5-10 mins, so I think he was so exhausted at the end of the night and only wanted me which was not always an option since we had another child. It eventually subsided but it was very stressful. I hope it just magically stops one day for you!

  • Our 6 month old is having trouble adjusting to our new-ish nanny. Our nanny has been with us for 3 months and the first few weeks went smoothly. Baby would cry for the first few minutes of being alone with the nanny, but then calm down. Around 2 months ago, something shifted. Now Baby cries for almost the entire time they're with the nanny. Our goal is to have Baby spend 1-2 hours with the nanny in the afternoons on weekdays without a parent present.

    I've tried spending lots of time with baby and nanny with all of us together, going away for very short stints within ear shot, leaving the area for 5-10 minutes at a time, having a simple mantra like "mommy and daddy always come back". Baby continues to sob with our nanny while I'm gone and stops the moment I pick them back up. Any tips for what to do here? We like our nanny and she's great with our older kids, but we'd love to figure out how to have her spend calmer time with our baby. Any thoughts or suggestions welcome. Thank you! 

    I think you need to leave the house entirely or be gone longer than 1-2 hours. 1-2 hours with frequent check ins means the baby knows you will come back quickly if they cry and have learned you are going to check in frequently. Developmentally it makes sense - they have more of a sense of object permanence and know you are " somewhere" and that crying out brings you to them. They are also more in tune with schedules and right now the schedule is 1-2 hours of crying with parent checking in a lot. They will adjust to a new rhythm if you give them the chance. It's similar to when kiddos start daycare. They will cry for a bit but they will adjust! 

    Hi there, maybe the shift you mentioned occurred because your baby may have gotten more aware that you were gone, and now Baby has learned that crying makes mommy and daddy come back.  I think Baby may need more consistency and space to adjust to being with the nanny, without Mom or Dad in the house... I would suggest that you leave the house for the two hours if possible, every day.  I realize that may not be possible.  Perhaps you could show Baby you're leaving the house and then sneak back in and "hide" from Baby and nanny.  Or send Baby and nanny out of the house for their time together.  Regardless, I think consistency is key and NOT intervening if baby is crying.  1-2 hours is a really short amount of time for Baby to get used to being with a caregiver, and if a parent is around it is going to be a lot harder for everyone.  Hopefully once Baby is more used to being cared for by the nanny (and has learned that crying no longer summons Mommy & Daddy), you don't have to clear out, but it might take some time for Baby to learn.  From my experience as a nanny and babysitter, it is very difficult to care for a baby (or toddler) when a parent is around.  Many babies will be happy playing with the nanny, but then as soon as a parent walks by they want to be with the parent, so it is tricky.  When my own baby was getting settled into daycare at 5 months, it took a few weeks for the crying to completely stop.  The first few days, she would cry on and off for hours.  But she learned that she was safe and lovingly cared for at daycare, and before long she was very happy to go there.  So I think that for the nanny situation to work, you may need to accept that some crying will be part of the process, and give Baby and nanny the space to work through it.  Good luck!

  • My 7 1/2 month old daughter cries a bit before falling asleep at every bedtime and naptime. Near the end of the bedtime/naptime ritual, she anticipates my departure and gets fearful and tearful. Sometimes it's just 2 minutes of protesting, sometimes it's like 30 of hard crying and I don't see a pattern.

    I was okay with crying during our sleep training week at 6 months, as I had a bit of a "plow through and it'll get better" mentality, but I find this ongoing interaction disturbing and am wondering if it is normal.

    This is normal. Please stick with it. Our daughter cried every night for a bit before she went to sleep for about 8 months. She stopped after she dropped the third nap, so it was a while for her to stop crying at all when she went to sleep. Now she is capable of going to sleep on her own every night (without crying!) and has been ever since (she's 2 now). We don't need to sit by her side for hours or use any sleep crutches, she is a great sleeper, very independent. You're doing the right thing! Don't doubt yourself.

    I do understand, however, that the crying is very stressful for you. What I did was to put ear plugs in and watch TV with subtitles on while she was crying/complaining. I would fold laundry to keep my hands busy. Again, this will all pay off in the long run. Good luck!!

    Hi! I highly recommend the Precious Little Sleep Facebook group (and blog) if you're looking for help troubleshooting sleep problems. The admins and other parents on there are super helpful and can definitely give you some ideas on what to do about this (which I'm sure is normal... ).

    I suspect it is.  Our situation is similar.  What helped me was reading that some babies (some people) simply need to discharge excess energy prior to falling asleep.  For babies, crying is an easy way to do this.  I myself am the same so this made sense to me.  I hate to see her cry but it helps her settle (and she does typically sleep through the night) so I have largely accepted it.  I thought I would white knuckle it through sleep training and be rewarded with a tears free (or low tear) bedtime.  That didn't happen, and was perhaps an unrealistic expectation in retrospect.  She cries almost as much in my arms as she does on her own (though perhaps at lower intensity), and she's always been that way.

    Hi.

    Well....I personally could not do sleep training.  What we did was take turns sleeping with the baby (in our bed with a crib up against it with no crib-wall).  That way one person usually got a good nights sleep, and the baby was happy that a big person was there.   *Howsomever* it depends on what you can do.  From your description, perhaps you can lay down with baby while she falls asleep, and over time shorten the amount of time you stay with her.   Sounds like you need the comfort with her as well.

    xoxoxoxoxo

    (....and now one son is 6'3".)

    Totally normal. Lots of kids cry before bedtime and it doesn't mean they're fearful. Sometimes it means they are mad because they aren't getting what they want - you. But it can also mean they're over-stimulated and the crying is releasing some energy so they can settle into sleep. Think about how much information she's taking in right now and how much she is growing and changing! It doesn't take much to over-stimulate even the most consistently nap-scheduled baby. I feel you - I hated listening to my (now teenage) daughter cry - it was so stressful. But then I found being able to discern her cries really helpful. If you pay attention to what this crying sounds like compared to hungry crying or wet diaper crying, you'll notice there's a difference. Once I realized that her sleep time crying sounded angry, it made it easier for me to hear. As the parent, I knew she needed to sleep, even if she didn't want to. Here we are 15 years later and she still doesn't want to go to sleep when I know she needs to. That part doesn't really ever end, does it?

    Our daughter is 18 months old; we did light/gentle sleep training at 6 months. She still sometimes cries when I leave her in her bed, although she's generally a pretty good napper and a GREAT nighttime sleeper. I usually consider it to be her protestations that she'd rather her dad or I stay with her while she falls asleep, or sometimes that she'd rather stay out in the world and play, rather than that her little heart is broken because we're leaving her. I understand how hard it is to hear them cry though! In the end you have to strike the balance that feels right for your family with crying.

    I have a similar problem with my 9.5 month old. Sometimes I put her down and she'll go to sleep right away, other times she'll cry for an hour. I can't figure out the pattern. My baby is also not sleeping through the night even though we weened her from feedings and I'm at a loss since we did do sleep training and she can put herself to sleep, but everyone said they would start sleeping through the night once they could self soothe, but that is not the case for us. Sorry, this is not advice, just sympathy and hoping to see other responses to your post!

    Sounds hard. I had a similar experience with my daughter. A family friend suggested that I take a soft, old t-shirt I was willing to stop using and sleep in it for 3-5 nights. This would embed the shirt with my scent. Then one evening, after putting on the nightly CD of lullabies, I had my daughter lay down to have her back rubbed. I then handed her the shirt. She actually buried her face in it and flopped down to sleep. Miracle. We grew concerned about smothering possibilities, so we tore the shirt in smaller pieces. This actually helped because we had spares in case a piece got lost during travels. After the first week or so, we just washed these pieces normally--they didn't need my scent on them to sooth her. No guarantee that this will work for you, but it's worth a try.

    Yes I think it is normal...mine did that (not the 30 minutes of hard crying but the 2-10 minutes of wah wah wah every night for weeks or more).

    He is now 11 months and mostly this is better but still he sometimes cries when he sees I will leave him in bed...sometimes refuses daytime naps also.

    I think it is part of being a baby.  Don't enable the behavior too much - my friend's 10 month old is up every 2-3 hrs at night b/c he wants to be held, etc., and also got used to being fed in the middle of the night.

    Every time my son went through a developmental phase (learning to pull up, crawling, walking), his sleep would change. He also went from falling asleep by himself to screaming bloody murder at bedtime, first time at 11 months, and then again whenever there was a big milestone. My best advice is to do what it takes to help your baby sleep--rock her some more, lay her down and pat her till she settles, and see if this is just a phase. Do your best not to get yourself stuck in situations you do not wish to last forever--for example, if you don't intend to have your baby sleep in your bed, don't bring her to your bed (if you want to, that's up to you too). But it's OK to take some time to help her get through this phase. Try to back yourself out slowly--rock her less and less, leave the room longer before coming back. Maybe this phase will just go away on its own. If it doesn't, you can sleep train again. 

    I saw this video on this subject and is it interesting, I'll put the link so they can see.

    https://youtu.be/nbCASQVmjrY

    I couldn’t bare the thought of letting my son cry himself to sleep so I rocked him to sleep every night until he was 18 months.  Then we upgraded to a regular bed with rails and I layed with him every night until he fell asleep.  At 2 1/2, i was able to explain why he needed to sleep by himself and told him how proud i was.  It only took about a week and now he goes to sleep by himself no problem.  Every child is different, so go with your gut and do what you feel is right.  It’ll take patience and time in whatever patg you choose!

Archived Q&A and Reviews



Constant Crying - 7 week old

Oct 2003

My seven-week old baby (who was born four weeks premature) cries and fusses virtually all of the time -- except when he is sleeping. Sometimes, the cries are contained whines, other times they are out-of-control shrieks, but whatever they are, they are always present unless the poor guy is so tired out that he is finally able sleep. The result is that the baby has no quiet alert time. There's no time to play or interact or gaze into each other's eyes. Literally. I cannot recall a single moment in his short life when he was awake and simply present and relaxed with me. He is either sleeping or miserable; there seems to be no other state. I have another child, and I know that this isn't ordinary ''fussy baby'' behavior. The problem is that when I seek help from my baby's pediatrician, I get the standard: ''Babies cry. He'll grow out of it.'' I'm terribly upset and concerned. It's not so much the lack of sleep and quiet (though I'd love to have a little sleep and quiet); it's more the way this is interfering with our bonding and attachment -- and the way that I fear it is interfering with his development. I hold him when he is crying, and I hold him when he is sleeping, but can he be developing normally if he spends all of his awake moments crying and upset (he does this even when he is nursing)? I've looked at the posts on colic, and even though this seems slightly different (it isn't limited to nighttime), I've tried much of the advice to no avail. Has anybody out there experienced this particular type of problem? Even if you haven't been able to resolve it, I'd love to hear from people whose babies had this problem but survived it just fine. Thanks -- Anxious Mom


I'm so sorry. I know how sad and worrisome and frustrating a colicky baby can be. Colic is not just restricted to night-time. My daughter cried, also, in every waking moment no matter how much we held her, rocked her, walked her, sung to her, pleaded with her, let other people hold her, did ''colic holds'', put her in the swing, took her out of the swing on and on world without end she cried. But it stopped eventually and she is fine now (very spirited, but a great little girl). She walked early, talked early and is very, very loving now. My husband and I are OK, too. Two things that helped me were knowing that I could set her somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes and that wouldn't make me A Bad Mom and, for whatever reason, being out in the frsh air helped a little so we spent 2 months swinging on the porch swing. Take care of yourself and know that your wee one willsettle down soon. Molly G


Yes, yes, I know all about this one. My first kid, who was three weeks premature, cried like that, too, virtually every moment that she wasn't sleeping or eating. The good news is it will probably stop like a faucet turning off when your baby is three months old. That's also the bad news. I remember thinking that I wasn't going to make it through another week, much less two more months. But somehow it passed, and on December 10, 1996, my daughter lay on the rug awake and happy for 40 minutes for the first time in her life. And by the end of her third month she was a just plain normal baby who cried when she wanted something. I have met two babies who cried constantly in the way mine did, and one of those ceased crying like my daughter did, promptly at three months. The other, though, is the cautionary tale, because it turned out that the poor little sprout was allergic to everything, and he kept right on crying until his mom stopped eating all dairy, all wheat, etc., which was at six months. There's a good chance your kid is like mine, but you might want to test out the allergy theory, and maybe get yourself a more sympathetic pediatrician. Good luck. It will end. annie


The things that I would try are:
1) Dairy free diet (change formula or your diet if breastfeeding) completely for 10 days.
2) Consider trial of Zantac to make sure it's not reflux.
3) Read ''The Happiest Baby on the Block'' by Harvey Karp.
4) If it is colic, it will begin getting better soon and should be gone by 12 weeks--whatever you do.
5) Hang in there! Be good to yourself and take breaks.
MamapediMD


Hi, you didn't say if you are breastfeeding or not. If you are, you may want to check and see if your baby is allergic to certain foods you are eating, . A friend of mine's baby cried constantly for the first few months until the mom finally figured out that the baby was severely allergic to a host of things, among them, wheat, various vegetable proteins- beans, tofu, etc. She altered her diet drastically, and the crying stopped. If you'd like more information, email me and I can get you in touch with my friend.


You are going through something very difficult, even devastating. Your pediatrician is right that he will grow out of it, but that is not helping you deal with him right now. My first child had atypical colic, she cried all her waking time, she had no quiet alert times. She also didn't sleep as much as babies usually sleep. It was hell. You are doing all the right things--holding her is really important. Also, trust that this will get slowly better.

Do you have anyone to take care of him so you can get away for a short time? It's not good for you to feel trapped with an inconsolable baby. Sometimes parents feel they can't leave their crying baby with someone else--the caretaker will be overwhelmed. Actually, it's easier to be a caretaker of a colicky baby than a parent. We're wired up to be very responsive to our child's cries, and a caretaker is a little less emotionally tied to the child. So get a babysitter and take a nap, go for a walk, get away from the sound of the crying.

Another thing we had some success with was a homeopathic remedy from Hyland's, ''Colic Pills''. They are instant-dissolving tablets that you put in the baby's mouth and they seemed to have a calming effect.

Other things to try are windup swings (take the baby to the store and try different models before buying), car rides, putting the baby on the dryer (in his seat) while you run it, soothing music... keep trying things because you never know what will work.

No one knows why babies have colic. I think colic is a response to a variety of causes. There may be a connection between your son's premature birth and his colic. However, it doesn't seem to be connected to anything worrisome about a baby's health. It also doesn't seem to interfere with development. It's natural for you to feel very anxious and even upset because he cries a lot, but try to hang on to the knowledge that he's basically fine and he will get over it. I know this is a really hard thing for you to go through. Please feel free to contact me if you have more questions: Louise


Your post has brought back very unpleasant memories -- as a colic nightmare survivor, I want to say your baby will be fine and will love you. I would focus on surviving it and don't worry about bonding (which you are doing just by taking care of your baby -- this bonding and attaching business is made way too mysterious and elusive so ''experts'' can write books about it.) The issue is that your baby gives you so little positive feedback, those cute little sighs and smiles that make parents say ''it's all worth it''. I had an extremely colicly baby who is still an incredibly negative, grumpy seven year old. Parenting these kinds of children is extremely challenging, worrying, and even depressing. Mothers by default blame themselve for problems with their children. However, I've come to accept I can't change his challenging temperment package. I can only provide guidance to help him learn to manage it. What will make you a better parent is to recharge those quickly drained batteries (e.g. nights off, dates with friends, babysitters). You may feel quilty about leaving your very demanding, very young baby but I recommend you find a sitter you feel confident it, pay them well, and take a break. Regular breaks that you can look forward to. Good luck. It will get better but I also know that's little comfort now. (P.s. Don't be crushed if the colic continues after the standard three month period. Some kids cry longer. My cried for four months, that last month being longer than the previous 3.) Brenda


Oh, boy. I've been there. It's really hard, and the hardest part, as you are discovering, is not letting it interfere with your relationship with your baby.

This is what you need to do: stick up for yourself with your doctor. Your baby very likely has GES - Gastro Encephalic Reflux (some people just call it reflux). We were unlucky in that our doctor had not really encountered reflux before, and his only help was to suggest that we go to the hospital to have a barium swallow, to see if there was a physical anomoly. This wouldn't solve the reflux, either.

My first child was like your baby. We went crazy, it was a nightmare, and we had no basis of comparison, so we didn't know what was wrong - her or us. She cried continuously, even in her sleep, for six months, then began to get a whole lot better. Then she had a few little bits of problems here and there with throwing up (but the pain was mostly over) for the next six months to a year. Then she was someone who threw up easily, like when she coughed a lot or cried too hard, and that lasted another two years. Now she is four and a half and pretty much never throws up, in the real sense of it. We just did the barium swallow recently (last week) and she is normal, structurally. We did it because she still (painlessly) brings up a chunk of food occasionally (we find her chewing phantom food sometimes that she says came from her throat), and we just wanted to be sure. So we would have done it for naught if we had done it in infancy.

Now they have drugs which inhibit the biliousness and calm the other symptoms. Ask your doctor if you can try them for awhile, because this is such an important time for bonding and being together, and as you say awake alert time! Some doctors will prescribe these drugs for a year or more, and I know some people who have done that - but the problem is the child builds up a resistance to the drugs, and you have to keep increasing the dosage; and also, though I have no evidence for this, it seems like the child has little chance of getting over it themselves, so the reflux lasts longer. So if you can use it for a few months and then gradually grit your teeth and ease off on the drugs, that might be the best route, depending how you feel about long-term drug use.

The most soothing things are breast milk and, when your child gets old enough, solid food. This is I think what started the turnaround for our daughter. We did not have much luck with the old idea of putting a little cereal in the breastmilk, it really didn't seem to make much difference.

I feel for you, I really do. All I can say is it will pass. Try to minimize intervention and be there for your child, and use the drugs if you need to. One of the best things in my life was when my daughter finally began to get better (and it happened pretty quickly), she was SO HAPPY to no longer be in pain that she was a joy to be with - smiley, happy, joyful - and has continued to be that way to this day, a very special child who seems to light up everyone elses' lives. Good luck to you! anonymous


I have not been through life with a colicky newborn, but I have friends who have, and in your place I would be pressing the doctor for more help. You know this isn't normal, even for ''fussy'' or colicky babies, so start searching for the cause. Consult another pediatrician if necessary. Your baby could have an undetected infection or illness of some kind, or could be severely intolerant of dairy or something else in your diet. If you're lucky, it will turn out to be ''just'' really bad colic and will disappear in another month or two, but you don't want to wait that long if it turns out to be something you could solve with earlier treatment! Holly


You have described my son almost exactly. He would cry for hours on end, at different times of the day and night and didn't smile for the first 3 months. Car rides and the tummy football hold seemed to help comfort him at times, but nothing was foolproof. I too was concerned that he was not spending any time soaking in his environment and learning, and that all his crying was interfering with our bonding. I finally bonded with my son when he was about 6 months old, after we had several months of good quality time together and I was over the trauma of having a colicy baby. Now, my son is 2 years old and he's great. Super sweet and fun to be with, he laughs all the time and is a very happy kid. I love him more than words can describe and there is no doubt in my mind that the feeling is mutual. And although he hit some developemental milestones late, I doubt it had anything to do with his colic. He's very observant, learns things quickly and is a normal little kid. In the meantime, I encourage you to take time away from your baby because it can be very draining to be around a constantly crying baby. When you can't comfort him, put him in the crib and sit on your front porch. Don't feel bad about doing this, you are not neglecting him- you are saving your sanity. My son cried just as much whether we held him or not. And don't bother talking to parents who have never had a colicy baby because they will just make you feel bad by saying, ''all babies cry'' - they just don't understand the extent of it. My son's crying disappeard within a week at a about 3 1/2 months of age. I have no idea what caused it or what made it stop, but he also started sleeping through the night around the same time. Could lack of good quality sleep cause colic? or visa versa? Good luck and hang in there, it will pass. Beatrice


I am Postpartum Doula with extensive experience with newborns. One aspect of my practice that has been especially beneficial is infant massage. I have taught parents this special way to soothe and communicate with their infants for 20 years. Dr Harvy Karp's book and DVD, The Happiest Baby on the Block, also has many helpful ideas. I would enjoy speaking with you about ways that I might help you settle your baby. You call me at 510-847-9743 or email. Ann


It's important to keep in mind that a baby that's four weeks early, is much younger than his chronological age -- probably by more than four weeks. My premie did the same thing, and the doctor kept being reassuring until one day the baby(at 8 weeks) did the screaming in the office, at which point the doc prescribed some medicine that we used for about two months. By then her digestive track had matured and she calmed down. Still, it wasn't until 7 or 8 months that she was like other babies (or at least the high-need ones) in terms of crying. The good side is, now as a school age kid, she's smart and healthy and doesn't seem to be showing any after effects of those early troubles. I remember feeling so flustered at my mother's group meetings when she was always crying. There is medication the doctor can give you to calm down the pains a baby with an immature digestive system has, but they probably won't unless they hear the baby scream themselves. You could try pressing the doctor to check the baby out further. This will pass, but it's really hard to have an inconsolable baby. anon


Your child may have reflux (GERD), which can exist without projectile vomiting and is very painful even when moderate. Plus, it can damage the esophagus. You should get in to see a gastroenterologist as soon as possible. Some pediatricians are not very experienced with or knowledgeable about GERD and dismiss the symptoms as \x93merely colic.\x94 Maybe all colic is GERD, and colicky kids are needlessly left to suffer, along with their parents. There are good pediatric gastroenterologists at UCSF and Children's Hospital in Oakland, where we went. The drugs they use to treat GERD, especially Reglan, helped a lot. (Prilosec did not help as much.)

Also keep baby upright at least 1/2 hour after feeding (swings are useful for this, and later an exersaucer). Use the football hold when they are small - their head in crook of your elbow, your hand in their crotch with the heel putting pressure on their stomach, bouncing a little if it helps. When older you can hold them facing out in front of you against your stomach with your hand again in their crotch putting pressure on the stomach, and also try sitting them on your leg while you are seated, bouncing them up and down gently. Another thing that helps is to put the child in the front pack right after a feeding and walk around with him/her, that way there is the jiggling of movement and being upright. Try giving them a bottle of weak chamomile tea before naps. If you are nursing, it also helps to drink a lot of chamomile tea yourself. Let the baby sleep as much as possible, and feed when they wake up not right before they would go to sleep.

I found gripe water helped, but only the Indian kind made by Woodward\x92s (different formula from the Mother's brand). You can get Woodward\x92s at Indian grocers such as Vik\x92s in Berkeley. Mylanta helped a lot too, or we would grind Tums into a fine powder and mix it with water. There used to be a Children's Mylanta but it was taken off market - there may be a medical reason so I would check with an MD. The kind marketed for kids now has a different formula from the adult version, and doesn\x92t seem to work as well.

We also tried Nutramigen, soy formula and another special, expensive formula, as well as thickening the formula with rice cereal. The only formula that seemed to help was Carnation Good Times. If you\x92re breastfeeding, avoid kale foods that produce gas (cabbage, broccoli etc.), and beans/lentils etc. I am lactose intolerant myself and only drank Lactaid milk/didn't have cheese or much other dairy in my diet, so lactose was not the issue for us, but it might be for you. It can take 2 weeks to rid your body of dairy if that's the problem, so you won't see complete relief for a while. You might also experiment with other foods that could be a problem (gluten [wheat, barley, rye, oats], nuts, caffeine, spicy, high fiber foods). Milk protein allergy is another possibility that should be checked out, though it is rare. You have my sympathies - this is very difficult and can go on a long time. It abated for us around 14 months. Survived reflux/colic x 2