Having a baby girl...but 4yo really wants a baby boy
We're having a girl in November, which is exciting but I'm struggling with how to deal with the fact that my 4.5 year old son really wants a brother. At back to school night at my son's Pre-K, the teacher asked me if we were having a boy because my son drew a family picture that included his baby brother (with no sign of baby sister). We've explained to my son that he's having a sister and he is really sweet about singing or kissing my belly. But he won't let go of the fact that he really wants a brother. He says the next baby will be a boy. Um, we're not really sure there will be a next baby! I know my son will be a good big brother and he has friends who have little sisters, but how I do address this so it's not a problem when baby sister actually arrives? We've done a sibling prep class, but that was focused more on mommy being in the hospital, how to hold a baby, etc. Appreciate any advice you may have. Thanks!
Parent Replies
Congratulations on your soon-to-be baby! I think this is one of those common parenting situations where your kid wants something that they just can't have. I couldn't tell from your post if you have told your son yet that he is going to have a sister. If not, I think you should break the news before the baby comes. I recommend using humor. For instance, say: "Well, guess what, you're having a sister! I told the stork you wanted a brother but he told me they are fresh out of boys right now, so he's bringing a girl! Wow! What do you think we should name her?" Then if he expresses dismay, you say "Yeah, I know what you mean! But I've thought it over and I think it is going to be GREAT!" Or words to that effect.
In my experience, 4 year olds don't really know why they want X instead of Y. They are still a little irrational. So you should NOT assume this is going to be devastating for your son. Don't spend too much time explaining it or worrying about how he'll take it. Just use the tried-and-true diversion techniques that work so well with toddlers, and give him a short, hopefully upbeat, explanation and move on to the next thing. He is getting to the age anyway where he will prefer the company of other kids his age to a baby sibling, regardless of whether the baby is a boy or a girl. For what it's worth, I have three boys and I have always envied the close relationship that boy-girl siblings so often seem to have. My boys were not pals until they were much older. Best wishes!
You are spending far too much energy on this.
He is young-
just be clear and say the drs say the baby will be a girl and that you are all excited about the new baby.
It seems like he is hooking you somehow- remember our goal as parents is not to protect our children from disappointment but rather to help them deal with life as it comes.
Enjoy your girl!
We give kids the idea they can select anything they want eg capers or arugula on your pizza ? Not realistic. He doesn't get I pick her gender and that's not a bad thing. Not worth fretting over and the bigger fuss you make of it, the more complicated the "issue" becomes. My father would have said "it's not up to you." There are many things in life that kids (and adults) can't control or select. It's a lesson learned slowly, takes time, but it's good to be clear, direct and then just drop topic.